If you’re following me on twitter, you may have witnessed my breakdown on Friday.

Preparing for a dinner date with Mike, I had to pump some milk for Hudson. He was going to be spending a couple hours at the daycare for a special evening where they have the children and their siblings stay until 10pm for a mini sleepover-like party: friends, pizza and movies in their pj’s.

I was also trying out the new MilkBank Vacuum Storage System for my Parent Bloggers review (check it out here - THERE’S A GIVEAWAY!!) so I got out my pump – which I fuckin’ HATE doing – and managed to get a good six ounces of milk.

I placed the pump on the counter forgetting to use the base on the bottle and before I knew it the whole thing fell over and milk spewed everywhere.

I watched the liquid gold flow along the grout lines in my ceramic tiles as I envisioned myself sucking it up and spitting it back into the bottle; cupping it in my hands and pouring it back in; getting the turkey baster to suck it up.

Even as a tumbleweed of cat hair lodged itself in the travelling liquid I thought – for a millisecond – about just picking it out. Yes, seriously.

Then I was forced to accept defeat. I mean, I couldn’t feed this to my child anymore.

But it’s not like he’s an infant anymore. A little dirt won’t hurt, right?

I grabbed a stack of paper towels to clean up the mess.

I could wring the paper towel out into the bottle maybe…

I took a deep breath and covered it, watching it slowly seep through – the tears started.

I cried over split milk.

And I’d do it again.

** I’m giving away a MilkBank Vacuum Storage System over at my review site, Glamorous Geek. Please stop by and leave a comment for your chance to win one of your own! Giveaway ends Saturday at 12pm EST. **

:::

Grace in Small Things: Part 10 of 365

1. Sick babies – only because they’re both SLEEPING
2. Sunshine on a cold brisk winter’s morning
3. Finding my car parked at the end of the driveway when, for a brief moment I thought it was stolen
4. Finishing Maggie’s new site Violence UnSilenced
5. A stolen moment of cuddles with my very active three year old

Temporarily Me is hosted with DreamHost and has been since I moved to Wordpress in 2007. You may have noticed that my blog is perpetually slow. Yes. Shocking. I know. Commenting is quite often a nightmare, and so you’re aware: so is writing a damn post.

I’ve dealt with their support staff on many occassions trying to devise a resolution that will last for more than 24 hours – which still has yet to be done. That’s the joy of shared servers my friends. I find myself in the mix of some high volume sites which are sucking all the juice and leaving virtually nothing for my wee blog.

During one of the many excrutiatingly slow periods, I requested a move to a different server. Which was met with immediate service and friendly, informative help – I will say that their staff is very pleasant to deal with – but I think I was moved to an even SLOWER machine which has resulted in even more slow periods and now the recent commenting fiasco. You know the one – where everyone and their dog was met with a big fat FAIL!? (I wish I could have my very own FAIL WHALE each time a reader was met with the This fuckin’ web host is eating my brains page.

Why haven’t I jumped ship you’re wondering? Well, I have a contract until February of ‘09 and at that time, I will consider it. Unless someone from DreamHost spots this post and in an effort to keep me aboard they offer me a private server.

(Hey, it could happen.)

Don’t get me wrong, DreamHost has been an excellent service and have great staff. They are very inexpensive and I can host all my sites through one package, which isn’t the norm (so I’ve read). But with the inexpensive fees they also have a large customer base and everyone is cramped on to servers like passengers on a Chinese subway. Getting fast service is really a hit and miss based on which server you’re on.

(Think of my little blog like a band geek getting run down by an entire football team. I know, it’s sad, right. Poor band geek.)

(I mean no disrespect to band geeks because HOLY SHIT! I can barely chew gum and walk let alone read sheet music, play and walk – sometimes dance.)

And the whole point of this fuckin‘ boring post?

It’s not my designs that are screwing up everything! *phew* I was getting a complex.

And!

Look at me! I have a new design!

It’s got less images to load which will *hopefully* help my pages load a little faster as they fight their way through the masses to get to you.

All for you guys.

Aren’t I the sweetest thing EVAH!?

• (I totally suck at this LOLcat speak. Tell me. What is the secret?)

• This week has been a whirl wind of work combined with stepping outside my proverbial box which has left me completely exhausted: both mentally and physically.

• There’s another weekly Rookie Mom challenge going on with a PRIZE – AND! You don’t have to be a rookie or a mom to play along! (Please play along! I’ve got loads of free shit to giveaway, plus I don’t want the Rookie Moms to think I’m a looser.

• I’ve been designing my fanny off for Maggie, Dammit (FINALLY complete! You should check it out!) and I’m so busy with the new BlogNosh Magazine design, it’s been completely frying my brain.

Oh hai! Can U Haz Code?

Better?

• Stepping outside my proverbial box? I took the boys out Tuesday AND Thursday. The significance of Tuesday and Thursday? Carter is home from daycare all day. So we went a better part of both days out.

• Tuesday we went to pick up our brand new double stroller – since Joovy didn’t step up after The Incident, I went out and got one.

• We drove around a strange town, forgot to bring money which required many stops and trying to find a bank. We got in and out of our car without incident and no one got hurt – or even cried!

• Thursday we spent the day with my brother and might-as-well-be-my-sister-in-law, taking Carter swimming at their complex. Great day with only minor break downs.

• Finally feel like I’m getting my shit together. It’s funny how a shitty week can really make one second guess their abilities as a parent. Or is that just me?
  

• Kevin sent along my questions for The Great Interview Experiment, now I just have to get my ass in gear, answer them AND also get iMommy’s ready for her.

• I’m thinking about joining them and getting a gym membership or joining The Running Room (or both?). I need to get rid of this damn baby weight (yes, that’s what I call it. F-off.)

• Mah girl Alli has a brand new design at one of her elevenity sites, (which I am apparently supposed to be contributing design tips to (for?) *waves* Don’t forget about me!!) and it’s GORJ!

• And! The winner of the Summer Lovin’ giveaway where you get an HP photo printer? CONGRATULATIONS C.F.!! Send me your info and I’ll get your printer off to you!

And now, for the grande (I have been transformed to a Starbucks lover – I’ll tell you about that another day) finale – gratuitous kiddie photos (SOOC: straight out of camera)

There’s a bit of a lull for the time being and I’m trying to catch my breath: internet-work-wise, no lull on the home front that’s for sure!

I’ve been a busy bee behind the scenes as of late with new projects starting (Look for a weekly feature  with Rookie Moms to be starting up here soon – with GIVEAWAYS! *squeeee!*), designing and potential conferences in the works but everything seems to be at a standstill at the moment and I’m just waiting for it all to come crashing down around me.

I am very poorly organized. I’ve noticed the demise of my organizational skills over the years. It’s not been pretty. Along side my undying ability to procrastinate to the very last second, I have managed to work myself into a many unnecessary frenzies because I’ve waited to the very last second and OMG, where the hell did I put it!?

But don’t you worry, design clients and collaborators, I always come through!

[Seriously? Could I be anymore of an idiot? Want work, not scare it away. Fuck.]

I’ve tried calendars, time management courses with management booklet/calendar, google alerting me, notebooks, sticky notes – you name it: yes, even tried the Smart Phone (the Palm version of an iPhone) and it was probably the most effective tool… but expensive and I had to return it to work when I left.

I just don’t know how or where to combine all the stuff I need to manage even just my ONLINE life, nevermind the children, doctors appointments, grocery lists, car servicing, on and on and on. There’s so much information, important! information! that needs to be kept track of and accessible at the blink of an eye.

Scheduling has never been my forte and I would so love it to be. I so admire those ladies that pull out their ‘little black (or pink or sequined) book’ and know everything and anything that has to be done, when and where.

OMG what am I going to do when there’s afterschool activites and sports!? So. Much. MORE! Stuff!

Since I’ve committed to a few online gigs (like Binky, designing and at least two others to be revealed at a later date) I want to better schedule my time online so that I am effective when I have the chance to sit down and get work done.

Tell me, oh wise Internetz, what do you do? White board, iPhone, Palm, pad and pen??

Share your infinite wisdom.

Organize me!

Schedule me!

Because otherwise I will remain a bumbling moron and I will forget that there are giveaways! and wonderful! gossip! and designs! and I will break down in tears. You don’t wanna make me cry Internetz, do you?

*  i should never come up with a title before the post because now it’s turned into something totally different then it was intended to be and I can’t think of anything catchy to call this bumbling piece of shit post. So it stays. Now hold hands; we can all be confused together.

:::

Oh hai! Did you see that I’m giving away an HP photo printer? Want it? Find out how to get it here!

I don’t know that I could ever survive BlogHer. I mean, we had a SMALL gathering and I’m still recuperating from that. We talked about blogging off and on for a day and a bit and I’m finding myself completely zapped of all creativity and any energy to type.

I’ve even been lacking in the gossip department. That has to say something since I’m a HUGE gossip WHORE.

Though I haven’t been here, I have been here. I’ve revamped the site for a re-launch August 1st. I’ve been working on a design for one truly understanding client that let me work right up to Hudson’s due date then take some time off. She’s been DYING to have her design and I want to get it to her just as badly! I’m excited to start up again!

Maybe I’ll even work for a couple weeks before taking another hiatus.

Everything’s a little hectic around The House of Me since Mike began his new job. He recently had an offer for another company with more money and a machine to operate right away. Pretty much the Best. Thing. Ever. but we weighed the pros and cons of the two jobs and came out with the one that pays less but is closer to home. Far less traffic equals less commute time! Horray!

As soon as he hung up the phone after declining the new offer, he’s been kicking himself thinking he should have went with the money.

I’ve been feeling guilty because he asked my opinion and I gave it to him.

A part of me wishes I kept my mouth shut.

Whatever. Live and Learn I suppose.

Now? He’s on nightshift for the next three weeks.

My job just got a little trickier. Keeping a VERY ACTIVE toddler and an infant quiet all day while Mike sleeps? Should make for good times.

Especially when Carter’s screaming with pride when he goes to the toilet ALONE!

“I PEEEEEEDDD MMOOOOOOOMMMMYYYYY! I PPEEEEED!!”

Yeah, there’s gonna be one pissy man (Ha! Get it? I talked about pee, then said pissy) around this joint over the next couple weeks.

Anyone up for a playdate?

Or you could just take my children.

Yup, that’s right. This site is participating in CSS Naked Day to show much love Web Standards and all those who make our blogs beautiful. (Including me *ahem*) By stripping our designs for the day, we are showing support for those who take mass amounts of time/energy/frustration and high doses of caffeine to make our blog gorgeous, because we’re they’re worth it! Right?

Blog Herald posted an excellent article regarding CSS Naked Day – must read!

As stated by Lorelle:

This is the third year of the annual CSS Naked Day which honors web design and designers around the world who help make our websites and blogs look “pretty” to the eye while still being totally functional under the hood. Dustin Diaz wanted to give the web world an opportunity to remind everyone of the benefits of CSS web page design. By removing the stylesheet for the day, the world would see naked web pages, giving a little more appreciation for the skills of web page designers.

What do you have to do to participate?

Simple – install the Naked Day plugin, change the file name of your stylesheet, or remove it completely for the day (remember to keep a back up on file!!) Lorelle has also provided a naked theme on Lorelle on Wordpress for those who are tech savvy.

So, feel like getting naked?

I wanna know who’s stripping on April 9th so sign up on my Mr. Linky so I can stop by and see your bare ass (blog).

Refresh your cache, there’s a new design! Refreshing, summery, spring-like. Ironic that I unveil it the day of the hugest snowstorm this year.

We’re home-bound today since we’re expecting about 1 million feet of snow over the next 24 hours. I’m going stir crazy all ready: there is so much cleaning and preparing for baby to do that I have no clue where to start.

I think reality hit yesterday. I haven’t been thinking about how quickly this pregnancy has been going but rather how slow and agonizing it’s been for me. Yesterday I actually thought about it: there’s 74 days remaining. 74 days to:

• dismantle and paint the spare room
• organize and clean and PAINT the living room in preparation for infant toys – swings, playmats, etc.  to be included in the mess of pre-schooler toys.
• move Carter to the spare room
• complete touch ups on what is now his room for the nursery
• buy bedding
• buy a new swing
• get all baby stuff out of storage – crib, clothing, toys, nursing stuff, etc.
• buy a new stroller

I can’t continue. It’s just too much. Sure, short list – but it seems about 600 million times longer when working full time and only having weekends available to get things (like shopping and painting) done.

I may have to suck it up and hire out the painting part.

Any takers?

*crickets*

Yet, Mike once again is nonchalant about the whole thing: “I don’t see what the big panic is…. There’s really nothing that we have to get or do…. You’re blowing it all out of proportion…”

Oh, the heartburn.

With all this panic and freaking-the-fuck-out, I’ve actually found a renewed fresh outlook on this pregnancy and I’m getting… EXCITED!  My cold has passed (except for a mild cough) and I have regained some of the energy I’ve been sorely lacking over the past oh, 7 months.

Renewed, Refreshed and Ready (kinda)

Yet. I sit here. Blogging.

Priorities, Shmiporities I say.

Because seriously, I am ready to have this pregnancy over after seeing so many CUTE babies lately! I just wanna hold mine now!

When I was pregnant with Carter I was so sad not to be pregnant anymore once he arrived: and no, not because I actually had to take care of a child and lose sleep, but it was just really nice being knocked up. I like the feeling of movements, hiccups and twists; but this time? Not so much. I find each movement a little uncomfortable and each kick painful. Maybe it’s the constant illnesses that have ruined it for me, or the fact that I am achy and tired all the time.

Only 106 days to go.

[blank stare]

I am even more ready for Maternity Leave this time as well, though this time I feel a little bit guilty. Imagine that. I’ve only been back to work for about a year and a half and I’m taking another full year off. As wonderful as it is, it’s taken me this long to get back into the routine of work while parenting and to leave again? It’s a little sad.

I said little.

Though, I will have the opportunity to concentrate on designing and building a decent client base and well… we’ll see…. that’s if I can get any clients after the hiatus I’ve taken. *shakes head* Even thinking about it makes me upset, sad, guilty that I’ve worked so hard to get it going and then seems like I’ve dropped it. It’s really hard to not do it, but at the same time, I just can’t spend the time, and I don’t have the energy for it at the moment.

That’s why I’m in the midst of talking to my dear bloggy friend Leslie (aka Mrs. Flinger) about designing something for me. I need a change, something to inspire me to blog more (since whenever I see my blog I feel blah and totally lose my creative edge. *cough* So hopefully she comes up with something really cool, and really me that will get me back into writing and sharing more often. I’d love to showcase more photos I’ve taken and lots of colour, yet completely inviting – so that even I want to be here!

I need change.

Change is good.

Change is revitalizing.

Embrace change.