The first rule of (Zombie Chicken) is, you do not talk about (Zombie Chicken).

The second rule of (Zombie Chicken) is, you DO NOT talk about (Zombie Chicken).

If someone says stop, goes limp, taps out, (the Zombie Chicken may, at this point feast on your brains. Or your baby).

Two (Zombie Chickens) to a fight.

One fight at a time.

No shirts, no shoes. (No dirty Zombie Chicken peaking or clawing)

Fights will go on as long as they have to (in order to protect your brainz from a Zombie Chicken).

If this is your first (time getting a Zombie Chicken), you have to (participate).

Those may or may not be the rules belonging to a certain club which shall not be mentioned here because even though he’s extremely yummy, Tyler Durden freaks me OUT.

What you need to know about The Zombie Chicken:

“The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the Zombie Chicken – excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words. As a recipient of this world-renowned award, you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers. Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all…”

Dawg bestowed me with the honour of The Zombie Chicken and I didn’t even have to fight for my life, which, by the way, is TOTALLY awesome. I’m too lazy and would have totally lost which would have meant mah brainz would have been Zombie Chicken chow.

And! Since he wrote such nice lies things about me, I couldn’t NOT participate. I mean seriously? A man that says I am a “high quality persistent blogger making magic happen,”‘ and “while she may not blog everyday, you know that when she does it is well worth the time invested to read it“.

Dawg? Are we reading the same blog?

He’s totally out to get me drunk and make me fight a Zombie Chicken.

If he keeps talking like that I may have to give Poppy a run for her money man.

Alright alright, I know what you’re thinking: GET ON WITH THE SHOW ALREADY!

Seriously, my posts are getting as long as Tanis‘ long and very detailed novels excellent and engrossing posts.

Today I bestow the honour of The Zombie Chicken on a select few of my favourite bloggers.

Whether she bringing Teh Funny or spilling her guts to Teh Interwebs, Y of Joy Unexpected always pulls me in. It’s like we’re sitting on the couch together just having a conversation, friend-to-friend while sipping our eighth margarita tea and hanging out like we’ve known each other for years. She’s one of the first sites I began reading and is still one of the first I go to each day time she posts.

:::

I can’t remember how I happened upon Matt’s blog, but over 8 months ago, shortly after Madeline arrived, I started reading and have been hooked ever since. Matt, Liz, and Madeline is not a typical parenting blog by any means. In the beginnings its purpose was to keep distant family in the loop on Liz’s pregnancy. Then, shortly – and I mean SHORTLY, after Madeline’s birth Matt’s world crashed down around him. He bravely let us follow along as he’s worked tirelessly to try and pick up the pieces all while sharing with us, his undying love for Liz and their beautiful daughter Maddy.

:::

Mama Tulip is my homegirl. Whether she’s telling the funniest stories I’ve ever read, or sharing her love for her mother, tulip makes me cry. Not only is she absolutely amazing on her blog, she’s just as fantastic in person. I really can’t say enough about her. She embodies grace, love and is just about one of the funnest people I know. It is an honour to call her a friend.

:::

This one is a twofer, and is also kind of a given because we all have witnessed their strength and grace over the past month. Heather Spohr is a woman that I 100% wholeheartedly look up to. Ever since Maddie’s very early entrance into our world both Heather and Mike have been so attentive, compassionate and STRONG. Steadfast advocates for Maddie’s well being, their daughter thrived and knew more love that I ever thought humanly possible. Both Heather and Mike encompass everything it means to be a loving parent. I love them both to itty bitty pieces.

:::

And, last but certainly NOT least. No list in complete with out Avitable. When I first found Adam (back in the days of I Talk Too Much) I was really um…. scared. I found him to be very intimidating and thought he would surely hate me, even tearing me apart and spit me out. He taught me about bestiality and many more unmentionable things creeping around the internet which I can never truly thank him enough for. Really. NEVER.

I know he’s going to hate that I’m breaking down his tough guy image, but over the past year or so Adam has truly shown how huge his heart really is (especially over the last month or so – take this for instance). Amidst the love for sharing beastiality videos and some hate-filled rants there is a gentle and very kind man who I have developed a soft spot for.

There you have it. In an OMG-Tanis-for-the-love-of-god-wrap-it-up-already length post, I share with you those whom are worth of the Zombie Chicken.

• BlogHer or Bust. I think I’m busted.
• Sexual Revelation
• Play That Funky Music White(Girl)

Over the past few years I’ve learned not to take things so personally. Okay, so it’s self-taught and it hasn’t been going all that well but whatever. I am better at not taking everything to heart; I don’t lay awake at night worried about why someone dislikes me or if they’re mad at me and for whatever reason. I  think I’ve somewhat accepted the fact that if you don’t like me, then tough shit: I can deal.

But that doesn’t take away the fact that I am still an over-analyzer and overly emotional. I have yet to find a cure for those traits so if you have an idea how, please, enlighten moi.

I started this Rookie (Mom) Challenge with the best intentions and honestly I’m a little bit crushed. I toiled and strategized and planned my wee heart out.  I have AMAZING support, AWESOME participants and (what I thought was) a good plan, then I began to worry… How can I improve it? Get it out there?  Gain some interest? But sometimes shit doesn’t fly, yanno? I get that. I can accept the fact that it’s just not internet gold and for that reason, I’m going to put it out of its misery. C’est la vie sometimes and that is the fact of life for this little nugget of poop.

Rookie Moms still rock and I still love their book and their site, it has nothing to do with that, it’s just that either this feature sucks, I suck, or both because it just ain’t flying. Not even if I threw it into the winds of a hurricane would this baby take flight.

So, with that my girl Vic at Glowstars takes the finale with this wickedly awesome picture:

She is officially my new Internet BFF.

And for that I also bestowe on her the I’m Hooked on Your Blog Award given to me by Jen @ Blissfully Caffeinated. For being hilairously witty and so awesome, because Dude. Did you see that picture?!

So here’s for you Vic and I will also be sending along your $20 gift card for Amazon.com (or Amazon.co.uk in your case I guess.)

So that’s it my friends. Rookie (Moms) Challenge out. (Shit. Seacrest. I should have thought about getting him to pimp this. That lucky little troll seems to have the magic touch. Eeewww the thought of being touched by Seacrest skeeves me out.)

I think that’s why I’ve been feeling a little down and out the past couple days. That, combined with the lack of sleep (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BABY – SLEEP!) and the changing of the season (which always seems to fuck with me) I’ve been a little lackluster and dare I say extremely boring! lately. But never fear, once I double my dosage of anti-depressants and caffeinated beverages we’ll be back and more irreverant than ever.

Speaking of being down and out; check out this diddy I wrote on Saturday… nevermind, can’t find it. But, I promise you it was ultra derpressing about how tired I was and resentful about my husband sleeping and snoring while I was sitting up with a child that wouldn’t sleep unless I was holding him. You would have totally rolled your eyes at me. I swear. Then, through osmosis the kid finally got it and went to sleep for four consecutive uninterrupted hours. It rocked. Then he decided to start chatting at 6am and woke up Carter. That? That did not rock.

[insert transition here - I can't for the life of me remember how to spell segway...Yes, I realize that's the spelling for the two wheel motorized stupid thingy... but is it the same for a segway. I don't make any sense, I realize that, thank you.]

You remember those “Let’s make like a….” sayings?

Let’s make like a baby and head out.

Let’s make like a banana and split.

Let’s makes like a bee and buzz off.

Let’s make like a tree and leave.

Let’s make like a horses dick and hit the road. (That’s my favourite. Am twelve)

Know any different ones? I’m curious.

• Greet the dawn, you know, without killing someone….
• On Wanting It All
• Fixture

A Meme in Pictures

**(stolen without prejudice from Hilly who shamelessly stole it from Adena)

[I stole this AGES ago and stuck it in my drafts for a time that I would need it, cuz I'm awesome like that.]

Here’s how it works:
1. Go to www.flickr.com
2. Type in your answer to the question in the “search” box
3. Use only the first page
4. Insert the picture into your Blog

1.) What is your relationship status?

married
2.)  What is your current mood?

stressed

3.)  Who is your favorite band/artist?

Pearl Jam

4.)  What is your favorite movie?

Dazed and Confused

5.)  What kind of pet do you have?

pit bull

&

grey tabby

6.)  Where do you live?

Toronto

7.)  Where do you work?

construction industry

8.)  What do you look like?

messy

9.)  What do you drive?

Malibu Maxx (but black) I heart it so bad!

10.)  What did you do last night?

nurse mah bebe (for what seemed like HOURS)

11.)  What is your favorite TV show?

Hell’s Kitchen

12.)  Describe yourself.

complacent

13.)  What are you doing today?

parenting (HA!)

14.)  What is your name?

Samantha – a bald eagle at the DC Zoo – it was this or a bunch of neked boobies… I don’t get it.

15.)  What is your favorite candy?

Reese’s pieces

:::

Thanks for all the support regarding yesterday’s post. Mike found a job this morning – which is fabulous – same pay rate as the last place as well and will probably have more hours. BUT! This job requires A LOT more out-of-town work so God only knows how long he’s going to be gone at times which is totally not cool with me.

But he has work, so I can relax.

A little.

Until the first trip that takes him away from home for 6 months.

:::

Carter calls a rake a “dick” and when he pretends to rake something he says: “dick, dick, dick, dick…”

Is it wrong that I laugh every single time?

Ah, kids.

• Floating Like A Rock
• 2011: Suck Less
• I Hate Kindergarten*

As promised, this weekend will be filled with memes and overdue awards since I’m having a hard enough time keeping you interested I figure: What the hell? What’s one more boring ass post where some people may get excited for linky love and others will bitch that they never win anything.

But before I go on, I must just point out that my slight OCD was gnawing at me since I didn’t have a header so I slapped that thing together in about 5 minutes. I have to say, I am rather pleased with myself. Of course, nothing would have been accomplished without my trusty can of Coke Zero which got me through.

And now, without further ado a due adoo delay! I was tagged by GHD from So, What Do You Do All Day? and it’s even from THIS month… I know there are more, trust me: I have posts to fill later.

Here are my Crazy 8′s:

8 things I’m passionate about:

1. Coke Zero
2. Designing
3. Celebrity gossip
4. Gossip in general
5. Photography
6. My down right hatred for vomit
7. Animal Cruelty
8. Um, guess I should mention something about the family here?

8 things I say often:

1. “Fuck Off”
2. “No, no ta-ta mommy please”
3. “When are you coming home?”
4. “No thank you Carter”
5. “Please don’t touch me”
6. “I’m not having sex”
7. “I think I have to barf”
8. “I just barfed”

8 books I’ve read recently:

1. Human Capitol
2. Under the Boardwalk
3. Fifteen Candles
4. Marley and Me
5. Little Black Book of Style
6. The DaVinci Code
7. Does Perez Hilton count?
8. What to Expect: The Toddler Years

8 things I want to do before I die:

1. Matthew McConaughey
2. Go to New Orleans
3. Meet my grandchildren
4. Go to Egypt
5. Drive a motorcycle
6. Go skydiving
7. Own a Austin Mini
8. A Pool Boy

8 songs I can listen to over and over again, and probably have:

1. Pearl Jam’s TEN album
2. Easy Like Sunday Morning – Lionel Richie
3. Sweet Emotion – Aerosmith
4. Welcome to the Jungle – G n’ R
5. Here for a Good Time – Trooper
6. Mr. Jones – Counting Crows
7. Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC
8. Pour Some Sugar on Me – Def Leppard

8 things that attract me to my friends:

1. Have to make me laugh
2. Trusting
3. Are able to have a great time as well as just chill out sometimes
4. Reliable
5. Trustworthy
6. We can share gory details of just about anything, can’t be shy!
7. Like potty humour
8. Can act like a 12 year old boy sometimes

8 things I learned in the last year:

1. My husband I are drifting apart
2. I love being a parent to a toddler more then to an infant
3. I love to drive
4. Quit holding everything in
5. My life is in a rut and I am in need of some serious changes
6. Not all friendships are meant to last forever
7. If I don’t clean the house, there is no one else who will
8. It’s truly amazing how long one can last without doing laundry

Now, for the 8 people that I’ve decided to inflict this on:

1. Phat Phannie
2. Moosh in … Utah
3. I Can Fly, Just Not Up
4. Cheaper Than Therapy
5. Velveteen Mind
6. Mrs. Flinger (love you Les!! *smooch*)
7. Kellementology
8. LawyerMama

Fuck, that was painful.

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This past long weekend has screwed me up significantly. I have no idea what day it is, I’m so out of sorts and I’m blogstipated. My creativeness totally blows has completely blown this week. Why are you even here. Seriously.

I was tagged a while ago (read: like three WEEKS ago) by the very interesting Erica from Mom’s Journal. Sorry I took so dang long, but I tend to procrastinate a little.

The Five Things Meme

Five things in your refrigerator:

1. Rotten tomatoe

2. Rotten lettuce

3. Yogurt

4. A bag of baby carrots

5. V8 Splash juice…Mmmm.. my favourite

Five things in your closet:

1. Empty suitcases

2. Winter sweaters

3.  The hatch to my attic

4. Dirty clothes

5. A huge tupperware bin of my work field clothes

Five things in your purse or backpack:

1. Wallet

2. Cell

3. Keys

4. Carter’s Progress Report from daycare

5. Lipgloss

Five things in your car:

1. CDs

2. Gum

3. Stroller

4. About 5 DVDs to keep the kid quiet in the backseat 

5. A stash of empty water bottles behind my seat. Oops.

Five things in the world you want to see before you die:

1. Redneck Mommy *wink*

2. My beloved Tulip

3. My blog traffic reach an all new high of tens of people a day

4. A celebrity get put in jail and treated like a “regular” civilian

5. The Golden Gate Bridge

I Tag everyone who reads this. Get memeing and trackback so I know you played along.

Now, go find me a blogstipation cure. I hate being all bunged up.

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It’s Monday again?

Weekends are just flying by. All I want to do is sleep. Sleep like I did before children. Wasn’t that bliss? When you could sleep in until 10am; no questions asked. No one begging you to get up, no one bringing your glasses and a pair of pants, pulling at your hand saying, “Up! Up!”. It really is cute, but not when I hate mornings as it is. I mean really, Dora, that bitch, should be able to occupy him for just a half hour longer; her or that stupid monkey friend.

[Did I ever tell you that we have a Boots doll that sings his delightful Boots song every time you push on his head? Or have I mentioned that Carter is infatuated with this toy and insists on dropping him on his head repeatedly to hear the song? How about the fact that I can - and d0 - sing all the words to that insanely captivating song repeatedly throughout the day? Even at work. That and Elmo, those cursedly adorable little bastards have sucked us all in. It's a conspiracy I tell you. Damn you!]

My thoughts were confirmed last night. Carter has/had Fifth disease. The rash broke out last night, just in time for him to be able to attend daycare this morning. Thankfully it’s not an itchy rash, could you imagine? Poor bugger trying to scratch his back all day. Thank gawd for daycare; at least I don’t have to deal with it anymore; sick children suck. (See. Excellent parenting skills once again. You’re sorely mistaken if you think you’re taking that Mother of the Year award from me).

So, here I am back at it. Monday morning. At my desk, coffee in hand (well, beside me now that I am typing) and wishing for Friday all over again.

I think I was tagged in a eight random things meme by Sara. That sneaky bitch is always throwing these things my way. God love that woman! (Seriously though, I think she’s just in it for the link backs to her site, she’s a whore like that. *wink*) Oh, and of course, the delightful News Bitch tagged me with this one as well. Didn’t mean to leave you out!

So here ya go… I think I’ve done it before… (If you can find it in my archives somewhere, I’ll give you an honourable mention with a link to your site; so you whores get at it and find me that entry.. if there even is one *giggle*)

1. I fear thunderstorms. This is part of my 100 Things as well, but I really do. It’s getting better now that I’m older, but even until I was 18 I would turn on my walkman (remember those? they played tapes – you know, cassette tapes – and had a radio tuner. Totally retro.) … to drown out the sound of the thunder and I would put my had under the blankets to block out the lightening.

2. I love Madonna. Mostly old school shit, but I still love her. I think I know all the songs to the Like a Prayer and True Blue albums (which I have on cassette).

3. I have never lived one day of my life alone. Never. After leaving home I had roommates and then Mike and I moved in together straight out of school. The longest I have been alone was 3 months while Mike was working across country.

4. I never used to drink coffee. Only about 6 or 7 years ago I started to drink it regularly, and just got my very first coffee maker for Christmas 2 years ago, which I only started using because I was on Maternity Leave and couldn’t get out of the house early enough to get coffee. My first couple pots were so fuckin’ sick until I got the hang of measurements and water quantities. You’d never be offered coffee if you came over during that time.

5. I hate to cook. Mike does all the cooking. If he works late or isn’t coming home, Carter and I have KD and hot dogs, sandwiches or soup. I can make a mean spaghetti sauce too though. *If* I had to make a meal, I can. I just don’t enjoy it, so I avoid it.

6. I can’t sleep unless my bed is made prior to going to bed. I hate – LOATHE – climbing into a bed with messed up sheets and blankets. It takes me forever to fall asleep. Mike is really bad for this; if he goes to bed before me, the blankets are EVERYWHERE and I find it nearly impossible to fall asleep.

7. I snore. REALLY loud. Especially after a night of drinking. I could wake the entire house.

8. I am an obsessive blogger. I check my site too often, check email even more and always open Google Reader first thing when I get on the computer. It’s begun to consume me… almost like the message boards had. *shudder*

There you have it. Now if you’re reading this – you’re tagged. If you do it, link back and let me know that you have, I wanna read about how weird you are! I’ll know if you were here – refer to Number 8

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First off, Happy Independence Day! to my American friends. But don’t wish me one because I am a Canuck and we had Canada Day! … so wish me a belated Canada Day, M’kay!?

Memes that make me think hard are my LEAST favourite, but since traffic is rather light this week (it’s not just here. Right? Everyone’s light this week…right?) I’m really just using filler topics.

Saving the good stuffs for next week.

So, here’s my meme!

1. Link to name of person that tagged you.
2. Include state and country you live in.
3. List top 5 favorite local restaurants
4. Tag 5 other people and let them know they’ve been tagged.

1. Blonde Chick Bloggin’ tagged me.

2. I don’t live in a state, but a province called Ontario, in Canada.

3. Top five local restaurants: Ugh. I dunno. We eat at regular ol’ Canadian/American places most often- like Wendy’s… LOL

a) Mandarin is a Chinese buffet. Mmmm, so good. Started in Brampton, ON it’s expanded like crazy throughout this area..very popular.

b) The Old Spaghetti Factory – I LOVE pasta and this place sells pasta. YUM!

c) The Bombay Palace – Indian cuisine. So unbelievably awesome. Even Bill and Hilary Clinton ate there while they were in town

d) Bangkok Garden – YUM! Thai is so good.

e) Paradiso - YUM too! but expensive.. everything is so good – atmosphere, staff, food. No complaints.

4. Now tag five people: Tinamtl (you’ll like this one!), Shawna, Vodkarella, Cakehead and Emma Sometimes

Great. Now I’m hungry.

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I’m in a sharing mood this week, which ordinarily would be fine, but this week I’m in the midst of an extraordinarily odd realm of self consciousness. I have been contemplating everything as though it would be The Last Decision I Will Ever Make and My! God! How will it affect my loved ones? Seriously. I need to have a drink get a grip.
People from the office go for lunch and don’t ask if I’d like to go: They hate me! A lady looks me up and down: OMG. What’s she looking at?! Do I have a stain on my shirt? I knew I shouldn’t have worn this; it makes me look fat, doesn’t it? DOESN’T IT!? You know the drill. That’s how I feel this week.

So, without further adieu, a meme for you. I was tagged by Cakehead earlier this week. Cakehead? You got it. Cakehead. Oh, and she makes GORGEOUS cakes!

What were you doing 10 years ago?
June 1997? What was I doing? 16 years old. I graduated from grade 10, got my first part time after school job, and I may have been going to the strippers for my first time. I do believe that summer was pretty much a complete blur. High school, new friends, field parties, more freedom, I think that about sums it up.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
This time a year ago I was full into my schedule of Maternity Leave. Carter was just coming up on his first birthday, we had playgroups, swimming, shopping, etc. all day. This was about the time that things were getting interesting since he was more then just a mere bump on a log sitting in a bouncy chair staring at his fingers.

Five Snacks You Enjoy:
1. Reece Peanut Butter Cups
2. Sun Chips of the Garden Salsa variety
3. microwave popcorn
4. freshly baked chocolate chip cookies
5. swedish berries

Five Things You Would Do If You Were a Millionaire:
1. Move.
2. Travel to New York City and New Orleans, first class all the way baby!
3. Buy myself a personal trainer to kick my ass outta bed
4. Pay debt boooooring
5. Build a new patio at my new house and hang some shnazzi patio lanterns.

Five bad habits:
1. Diet Coke
2. Biting my nails or chewing my acrylics sick!
3. Procrastination
4. Not answering the phone (I heart call display. I won’t live without it ever again)
5. Picking wedgies in public

Five Things You Like To Do:
1. Surf the net (too much)
2. Eat chocolate
3. Whine Wine Night with the girls
4. Drive with no destination
5. Spend time as a family

Five Things You Would Never Wear Again:
1. Safety pin the legs of my jeans
2. Wear my safety pinned jeans tucked into slouch socks
3. Two words. High. Tops.
4. Overalls
5. Bikini, because face it, you don’t wanna see me flauntin’ this shit. Anywhere.

Five Favorite Toys
1. I don’t have toys. I’m a lady. Oh, we’re not talking about those kinda toys? Oh, well *ahem* Rocks, paper, scissors. That’s about all I can afford.

I tag these smokin’ hot mamas: Mama Chaos @ Wired for Noise,  Shawna @ This is Me, HomeMom, and Ro @ I’m Thirtyish…Okay1?, and of course Tinamtl @ Thoughts N Wonder

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Here are the rules to play:
1.) Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
2.) Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
3.) Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

Eight Random Facts about Moi

1. I have my tongue pierced. My mom didn’t know about it for nearly 6 months. Guess how he found out? I yawned in front of her and forgot to cover my mouth. That’ll teach me to mind my manners.

2. I have a soft spot for New Orleans (Nawlins) even though I’ve never been. I was devastated when Katrina hit. Still want to go visit sometime soon.

3. I am crude and enjoy potty humour. Especially about farts. LOL

4. I burp a lot. I can burp on purpose too.

5. I will eat until I feel sick if I really enjoy the item (like chocolate ice cream).

6. I drive fast and can’t stand being behind people

7. I love gossip, especially celebrity gossip

8. I have a hard time falling asleep at night, every night. When it gets really bad a glass of wine or a beer will usually help me crash.

I’m tagging you:

1. Shawna @ This is Me

2. Tinamtl @ Thoughts N Wonders

3. Laura @ Tramps Like Us

4. IAI @ Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual

5. Emily @ Fenicle

6. Slackermommy @ Slacker-Moms-R-Us

7. J. @ Talking to Myself

8. Ali @ Cheaper Than Therapy

:::

Tell me honestly. Should I make another design for my site or are you likin’ this one still? I have something in mind that may just pop up here this weekend… unless you’re still enjoying this one!

Share with me! It’s your turn to decide if I should indulge in my design needs, or chill for a bit (read: fuck off with the constantly changing designs).

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What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Seriously Saddam? As if. At least I’m in good company.

:::

Did I mention that we don’t have air conditioning for the time being? Ya, the time being THREE fucking weeks so far!

We desperately need to have our ducts cleaned and can’t turn it on until their done because we’ve had that mould problem this winter. . The earliest they could get us an appointment was June 23. JUNE-FUCKING-23RD people! It’s about 35C (95F) right now. Yesterday? 38C (100F).

With no air conditioning. I am not happy.

I’m in hell and apparently comparable to Saddam-fucking-Hussein.

This day just gets better and better.

:::

Oh, and remember the post about waxing my va-jay-jay? Heartless Lass posted an email message she got, which I’ve seen before but nearly died reading it again! Fun-ny!

 So not waxing. Not gonna happen.

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