I’m not one to hold a grudge. For very long anyways. So when I heard about this virtual baby shower I was a little disheartened that I wasn’t mentioned. Because: Dude, I’m due one day before HerBadMother and two days before ChickyChickBaby and Mrs. Chicken? Long before her. As hard as it is to find love in the Blogosphere sometimes it’s even harder to have everyone notice and recognize. (For some reason I just had the urge to go all gangster “Yo, u bettah reckognize, beotch”) You just can’t win ‘em all.

Ahem.

Now that that is out of my system, I digress.

I love all three of these ladies so much there’s no way in hell I could let my petty hormonal bitchiness stop me from congratulating them and wishing them many sleepless nights and poopy diapers a slow and painful delivery wonderful memories with their newly growing family.

I wish more then anything that I had some ass-vice for you but, I don’t. I wish I could tell you that the second one was way easier, but I don’t know that just yet. And even wish I could tell you that your older children can be bribed into diaper changes and see the joy in getting everything for you as you sit in front of the television nursing your new bundle injured lady bits. But I don’t know that either. (But Lawd I pray Carter will change a shit or two for me.)

I expect that all of you will undoubtedly succeed beyond my wildest dreams and I take comfort in knowing that I will be right along side you wonderful gals learning and growing as parents to children. Plural.

Wow. More then one.

Children.

That word has never freaked me out more then it did right now.

I’m still sleep deprived and I think I may have a Perrier hangover from our Saturday night Toronto Bloggers get together. There were so many fantastic people that showed up, great conversation and lots of laughs. Though, I was totally nervous ALL NIGHT - as I suspected I may be: I would have done so much better had I been able to have a couple beers to calm myself. C’est la vie I suppose.

I was so behind just getting downtown (thanks to actually listening to Mike tell me that it will be quick on a Saturday evening) and traffic was a nightmare! I swear every eldery person in the entire city was out on the road, driving exactly the speed limit or just under: staggered throughout all three lanes, I was that jackass weaving and dodging through traffic trying to get through the mess of blue haired old people just barely peering over the steering wheels.

Even though I am a safe driver, I am completely impatient. I can’t stand the people that sit in the fast lane and piddle along like they’re out for a country drive. I hate when people don’t use their turning signals and make blind and unsafe lane changes. And! Those people that assume because they put on their signal, they have the right to just move over even if there is a car BESIDE them!

If it were legal and I wouldn’t get hurt this would soooo be me: (Just a note: Not Safe for Work, Children or those whom cannot handle a lot of profanity.)

I finally swerved my way through the sea of blue grannies and grampies only to arrive at the WRONG building. I forgot that there were TWO Manulife buildings in downtown Toronto and of course, I went to the OTHER one. Though, once I pulled up to the ‘T’ in the road, where I was facing head on with the OTHER building I then realized “Hey that building does not have 51 floors, and I’m on the East side, not the West side. Shit!” I then called Ali (who I am now COMPLETELY head over heels for! LOVE that girl!) who was patiently waiting for me at the OTHER building - the PROPER building, to tell her I was a little behind.

I think she thought I was a complete moron!

I was all prepared with two cameras, in case the batteries died in one - you know I took two photos all night? TWO. And they didn’t even turn out that great. I am such a disappointment.

As for the other ladies I was dying to meet? They’re all perfect and wonderfully friendly.

I really can’t wait for our Blog Friend’s Fest in Niagara Falls this summer, though I will have a brand spankin’ new baby in tow (whom I will let you sniff), I promise to be more my normal outgoing and horribly childish self. (And you don’t have to be Canadian to come, so PLEASE - if you’re not scheduled to be in San Fransisco that weekend, COME TO NIAGARA!!)

When I started my newly revised revision of 100 Things About Me I began with Things That Scare Me. Sure all those things are legit, they really do scare me.

But there’s one I didn’t add.

Meeting new people.

I loathe meeting new people. I worry about everything from the first impression when I walk in the room to trying to make small talk. What if it feels like we’ve known each other forever… but then it’s totally uncomfortable when we first meet and we have nothing to talk about. What about if they already know other people and I just end up sitting there? Alone. With no one to talk to.

Gah!

This fear has paralyzed me from attending previous blogger meet ups, meeting other people I’ve met through message boards and I HATE when I buy something from a classified or get something from free cycle and have to go pick it up.

This time I won’t let it get to me.

Tomorrow night one of my favourite-est bloggers, who I chatted with through emails a few times, is trekking across The Great White North to meet fellow bloggers in Toronto. There will be a number of my other favourite bloggers in the whole wide world there and I’m scared SHITLESS.

Scared.

But going.

I. will. face. it.

Ali and I have devised a pre-gathering plan to help us both over come our fears of walking into the room of people we’ve never met.

Did I mention that even though we talk A LOT, Ali and I have never met in person either?

So scared.

What if I forget what blog you write? What if I don’t read it? OMG. What if they HATE my blog!?

How are you with meeting new people? I’m sure many people are nervous their first meeting, be it a blind date, meeting an on-line friend or ever BlogHer events… how on EARTH do you do this without showing up completely frazzled, sweating profusely and cursing yourself for not wearing the other shirt that would hide your nervous pit sweat?

OMG.

Pit sweat.

I didn’t even think of that.

Can I blame it on the pregnancy hormones?

I think I’m sweating already.

I’ll be the huge pregnant lady, clutching her purse and hiding out by the bar - drinking water of course.

See you Saturday!

Back in the day, while frequenting the mommy message boards (EEEVILLL!), I forged relationships with quite a few women. It’s difficult not to get sucked into other people’s lives and feel for them, care about them, think about them - like I’ve very much done since joining the blogworld.

Then, in an instant, things changed. I don’t know really what happened. I don’t know if I was taken advantage of, conned - whatever. A person I thought of as a friend was in a very tight spot and, out of the goodness of my heart, I opted to help her. Without ever meeting this person, I wired her 250 dollars (Canadian - which was MUCH less at the time - probably about 350US) to get herself, her little boy and infant twin girls out of an abusive home, and a tiny bit of a start, to move from Chicago back to Cali.

There were rumors about her flying all over the message boards about her being a con, taking gifts and purchases from caring board members and selling them on E-bay for cash. Being the kind hearted person that I am *coughBULLSHITcough* I believed that, yes, she was selling everything trying to raise enough money to get out of the hell she was living in. Without knowing that I had contributed a great deal of money to her cause, people jumped on me for taking her side while all I was doing was trying to enlighten them on the other side. (Sometimes that doesn’t alway work - ask my dear friend Miss Britt.)

Inevitably, the administrator took it upon herself to ban said person, who was a member for well over four years, without giving her a chance to defend herself - without giving her the benefit of the doubt. I received a phone call from said person frantic and in tears after reading what people were saying about her, without the ability to fight back.

Though, I never go the money back from her, as she promised. I know that she did indeed get out of that abusive relationship and back to California - so maybe what I did was right. I don’t think I’ll ever know. but, since then I’ve been very leery about helping people I’ve only met online.

Since joining the blog community I vowed to keep my money to myself and offer only emotional support to people that I “meet”.

Why am I telling you all this?

Something happened that changed my mind. I contributed, financially, to someone’s cause.

A fellow blogger is in the midst of her third battle with ovarian cancer. She’s now fighting for her life based on past ‘treatments’ (I say ‘treatments’ because you have to read her stories about her previous bout with this awful cancer).

She needs our help. Her family needs our help.

Right now, Miss Anne is collecting donations and holding a raffle to help Lisa. Anything you can spare to help this wonderful lady, mother, fellow blogger, would be greatly appreciated. If you can’t help financially, it’s completely understood, but you can still help by putting in your sidebar, one of the buttons created by fellow bloggers (which are on Miss Anne’s site).