Carter has an obsession. It came on suddenly and with vengeance. Sure he’s had strong liking for Dora and Diego before, but this is MORE then that. This car, Lightning McQueen, now rules the roost.

[For those unfamiliar with McQueen, he's the lead character of the Disney Pixar movie Cars. ]

I mean, sure the movie’s cute and fun, even for adults, but when it comes to watching it over and over Every. Single. Night. after dinner, it’s a little much. I swear on Baby Jesus I’ve seen the movie more in the past 2 months then I’ve seen Anything! in my life. Being couch ridden in the evening has no helped my plight; I’m trapped!

After dinner each night Carter washes his hands and asks politely, “Wah McKeen?” (Watch McQueen) repeatedly until he gets the answer he so desires.

Ignore him and the questions come as one long string: “WahMcKeen?WahMcKeen?WahMcKeen?WahMcKeen?WahMcKeen?”

If I’m holding him in my arms when he finally senses that I’m ignoring his question he will softly hold my face in his hands while contorting his head to look me in the eyes and say:

“WahMcKeen?WahMcKeen, Mommy?WahMcKeen?WahMcKeen?Mommy, WahMcKeen?”

A trip to Costco this week, for new tires, resulted in a complete and utter melt down in the toy aisle because I failed to scour the store for any Christmas toys of this fair automobile.

There he was, gleaming in his nice crisp windowed box, a remote control McQueen. Carter was all over that shit like a fat kid on a Smartie. Attempting to pull McQueen into his tiny, yet ruthless grasp, he nearly toppled the entire display.

While he jumped up and down pointing and screeching “McKeen! McKenn! McKeen!”everyone smiled as they passed. But! Once I had enough of standing in the aisle pretending to be as excited as the little ankle biter, all HELL broke loose. As the tears trickled down his face, the customers smiles faded and were replaced with looks of horror. The aisle cleared faster then a public washroom after someone drops a deuce.

Where was his father you’re wondering? Well, in the car and tool aisle of course.

Funny how everyone LOVES your kid until they have a meltdown.

Seriously? Do they have a support group for these obsessed little toddlers?

While all you Yanks are fattened up and sitting around the house (if you’re not out shopping) I’m sitting home, with this miserable cough and have my sidekick home today as well. Carter was really groggy and not himself yesterday at daycare or when he came home so he’s here today. We’re chillin’.

I’ve forgotten what it’s like to stay home all day with a child. Even though it’s only 9am we’ve squabbled over the TV, breakfast and a diaper change, already.

I honestly have no idea what to do with a toddler all day. An infant was easy peasy - he was a bump on a log and fascinated by the sight of his own toes, but that doesn’t really cut it anymore. Now that he knows what his toes are and what they’re good for the allure is gone.

I don’t wanna deal with paint or Play-Doh and dammit, it’s cold outside.

Do I leave him in front of the television all day?

I could read to him, but he always just rips the book from my hands to look at the pictures and then throws it. Frankly, it pisses me off.

Take him to the mall? But we’re both sick and I don’t feel like getting dressed. Going out in public could cause a visit from Child Services. That’s out.

I don’t know how you Stay-at-home-parents do it. I really don’t. I know now that I can handle the first year, but when it comes to actually ENTERTAINING my child, I fall incredibly short. And I have a full year of him home when this new terror blessing arrives.

When we decided to have kids I don’t think the conversation ever included: But dude, what the hell are we going to do with him once he’s two and needs shit to do, cuz I suck at entertaining.

I just got dragged upstairs at the request of the toddler for a diaper change. I think he said something like: Bitch, change my ass.

But I’m not entirely sure.

Just wait until I’m old and you’re changin’ my ass kid.

What goes around, comes around.

First day of NaBloPoMo, here I come! I’m ready! (I think.) Leave me alone I was snortin’ crack of Brit’s Brit’s tatas.

I’ve been in and out of this funk off and on for a couple week now, and obviously some days are better then other. Take yesterday for example: not one of the best. Maybe over sleeping, dunno. With today being Halloween, there couldn’t be a better day to overdose on sugary and chocolatey goodness, which would surely lift my spirits; even if it’s a momentary sugar high.

Halloween used to be my favourite holiday. How could it not be with candy, staying up late and dressing up as anything I wanted to be? Though, never took full advantage as I was never creative with costumes: witch, nerd, punk rocker, Madonna and Tim Horton’s drive thru zombie (which was a friend’s work uniform and bad make-up) to name a few. Bor-ing. And I’ve managed to pass a little bit of that bore onto my child. Already. Nothing creative and the past two years we’ve waited until the last minute to fight the crowds for the left over costumes.

He’s taken to being very grumpy and uncooperative when it comes to wearing his costumes. He gets it from his father I think. Last year’s Devil costume was a fight in itself just to get the stupid horns to stay on his head. Because gasp! he must wear his summer hat. At. All. Times. This year, much like last, has been a quarrel to say the least.

Amongst the last minute shoppers at the local WalMart, we fought to find one of the few remaining toddler costumes which were apparently unisex. Uh huh. Fairy wings and princess costumes. Right. Amidst the jumble of disheveled wings and halos we found a monkey and an elephant; since monkeys have been a hit lately, we settled ad vacated as quickly as possible while the screaming toddler let his displeasure be known to the ENTIRE store.

Excited that we actually found something, I made him try it on when we got home; just too see how ridiculous the enlarged head of a so called monkey would be on him.

With an ear piercing squeal he announced “NOOOOOOO MONKEY. NO! NO! NO!”

He won’t wear it. He hates it. So I removed it, and let it rest until this morning, where he had to dress for daycare.

Getting dressed in the morning is a feat in itself; adding a stupid costume which has already been vilified did not entirely help the situation.

But in the end. Mommy 1 Toddler 0. So far.

We’ll see when we get to the party and my child is in his regular street clothes, clutching his blanket, snot all over his face and screaming: “NOOOOOOO MONKEY. NO! NO! NO!”

What could I try and pass him off as then? A teenager? A bratty toddler? Oh, I know. A child afraid of monkeys.

See. Not creative with these costume things.

Carter may end up with these costumes if I don’t smarten up.

I really try to avoid the cliche (I can’t make an accent over that e, sorry) mommyblogger posts. Not that there’s anything wrong with them, I just want this blog to be more about me (selfish, I know) and life rather then a run down of the color of Carter’s crap. You catch my drift?

Once and a while I do have to bring out the mom stuff and share the cutesy and wonderful things that he does, and this is one of those moments; because I fear, this blog may turn into something where we discuss this new impending child, my fatness and lack of sleep. So today? Today is about Carter. Which coincidently co-insides with The Great Mofo De-lurk 2007. Great timing!

So Carter. He’s the child that I rarely speak of. I am caught on the fence of What Information Should I Divulge About My Child so I try to keep it minimal. But he’s a complete ham. He’s hilarious and has an attitude no one would want to fuck with. But I do. ‘Cuz that’s my job.

When things don’t go his way, He. Will. Let. You. Know. and depending on where we are, everyone else will know too. He’s busy, bouncy and sometimes down right nuts. But I really wouldn’t have it any other way.

Now that we’ve hit two things have changed. He’s more independent, wild and adventurous, which also leads to carefree and far less inhibited. Total ladies man this one. At eighteen (hopefully older) he will definitely be one to charm the panties off your daughters those girls.

We’ve slowly been working on potty training. And by slowly I mean, we have a potty that doubles as a stool and only gets brought out when I need something out of the top of the linen closet. But last night it came out for some daddy and Carter potty time. As Mike was trying to direct Carter how to keep his penis inside the potty, Carter let out a big grunt while looking quizzically at Mike.

“It’s broken Daddy”

[Seriously, look at that picture. The kid's got skillz. He's the next Tommy Lee minus the Hep C, drugs and sluttiness of course.]

And! Big Boy Bed!

I don’t want to jinx it so I won’t say too much. Carter is doing great. Since Saturday he’s been sleeping in the bed, only to have escaped (hahaha) once. If he’s upset when we take him to bed he usually just sits in it, crying, until he falls asleep.

So awesome, right? Don’t be a hater. Now that I’ve mentioned it, it’ll all change anyway.

Since I’m home with a sick child today (who really doesn’t seem all that sick, but throwing up at daycare warrants a day at home they think. Whatever.) I’ll be doing my best to de-lurk on some of my most favourite sites and say hi!

You had better get de-lurking, even if it’s just to say hi or to tell me how cute my kid is. Cuz seriously? He’s so damn cute.