So I live blogged about the first hour of the VMA’s from last night. Lackluster - kinda like BritBrit (here’s the performance, if you didn’t see it!); what can I say, practice (and a damn laptop) would make for a much better performance.

The whole awards show thing just turns me off. I don’t enjoy them, and even when I try, I find myself completely distracted by the littlest things - like dust bunnies rolling around by the TV. I just can’t keep up with the shows. After one hour into the show, I lost all interest, after Chris Brown danced all over the tables. Dude’s got some skills - and he’s 17! Then there were gun shots ending his performance and all the gangstas in the house were jumping around and pretending to shoot off guns. That’s hot. (Paris, please don’t sure me for that. )

I was kinda shocked by the casualty of this show. The women dress slutty, the men come in street wear and fight like hooligans during the show. Instead of MTV Video Music Awards it should be called Celebrities Behaving Badly.

Did anyone sit through the entire show? What did you think?

:::

I spent most of my evening, prior to the waste of time noted above, trying to pack our suitcase for our two week vacation. Who would have thought a toddler would have more stuff that a woman? It’s true. 3/4 of the suitcase is all for him. And we can only take one since the space is limited seeing as we’re driving there with my parents. The spare bed is covered in items I think I need to bring, and the suitcase is lying open with only limited items that have been for sure items that are a must - like underpants.

There’s no way I can fit all our shit in there and feel comfortable that I have all I need. I’m the type of person that packs for every conceivable possibility - like hurricanes, sweltering heat waves, snow… (Yes, I’m going to Myrtle BEACH.) I feel unsettled if I decide to leave behind my favourite pair of jogging pants because Oh My God!, what if I have a really Bad Day and just need comfy clothes? Oh The Horror! I feel like I am abandoning them by leaving them home, like I’ll never see them again. So I pack them, and the ones that are better looking - in case I’m having a Bad Day AND! need to go to the store. Ugh.

There’s a washer and dryer in the condo too. There’s really no need to pack 14 days worth of clothes. But I will. I’ll pack for 28 provided I can squeeze it all in the suitcase. Four days left to weed through want I need to bring.

Suggestions would be greatly appreciated and maybe even followed!

Britney Spears just finished her intro and it was anything but interesting.

With a red goth-like theme, bright lights, some dancers and cage dancers even, as per usual, but it had nothing worth watching. I don’t even think she sang that song. I really don’t. Ashlee Simpson’s lip syncing was more believable. Ugh.

There was no magic - Criss Angel or otherwise. Nothing. Britney barely even moved throughout the entire performance, no engaging the crowd and she practically ran off stage when she finished the song. There was typical Britney slutty dance moves, think Slave, they seemed slow motion and had no feeling: no comparison to Old Britney.

I was more then disappointed. For a comeback that was totally, TOTALLY lame.

Here’s to hoping (for her sake) that she’s got something else coming up tonight.

It’s not often that I get the television to myself anymore. For years, I have endured (too) many action movies and not enough romance. I rarely see the movies I’ve been longing for.

[Like The Notebook. Still haven't seen that one.]

Last night, I rented a movie, thinking it would be one that Mike would want to watch as well, because if I want to spend time with my husband it’s on his terms. You know how it is, so don’t judge.

Fracture was the movie I chose, but he had no interest. None at all. So none at all, that he went to his layer the basement to play video games.

Leaving the television to me!

Me.

And the TV.

Alone.

On a Saturday night.

This is a special moment in time dear Internets.

So, I got on my comfy clothes and settled in for some quality time watching anything that I wanted. Anything!

But I couldn’t find Anything!, there was Nothing! on.

Stupid action movies, no romance. Not even a decent sitcom or re-run that I wanted to see.

*sigh*

What did I do?

Waste my precious time watching The Roast of Pamela Anderson.

Pammy’s shirt was COMPLETELY see through and sans bra … she didn’t realize just how see through until the end of the roast. *pfffft*

Quality TV right there Internets. High. Quality.

Where else could you see Bea Arthur, Andy Dick, Sarah Silverman, Jimmy Kimmel, Courtney Love and Tommy Lee (Mmmm Tommy… in a hot diseased sort of way) to name a few, hanging out on the same stage taking pot shots at each other?

An hour and a half of my life that I can never get back.

*shakes head*

It was mindless and stupid… yet enjoyable…in a weird train wreck type of way. All the while, completely embarrassing difficult to watch.
[anything with Courtney Love is hard to sit through except The People vs. Larry Flint where she did a decent job playing a dirty dirty heroin addicted whore - very similar to her own life.]

Trash TV always sucks me in. I am a complete sucker for celebrity train wrecks (Exhibit A: Britney Spears).

If I have time and access to the television, I end up watching Access, Entertainment Tonight, The Insider… You know, daily news updates.

What about you? Are you totally sucked in to the world of celebrity “news”? Spend too much time on Perez Hiltion. com or other trashy gossip sites like me? Tell me you do… I’ll feel better.

This just in! *Apparently* Shar Jackson is pregnant with K-Fed’s baby. Again. Though they are both denying these “rumours”, Shar’s said to be 8 weeks pregnant with the couples third child.

Now, you may or may not agree. But K-Fed is brilliant. Whether he knows it or not.

This is how I see it:

K-Fed and Shar are struggling out-of-work performers. K-Fed, an unknown backup dancer, Shar, a down and out actress. They have no more then a couple dimes they can rub together and two children, who are in need of basic necessities. K-Fed has a plan. Find a rich girl who can give him some money to support his fam.

[cue Britney Spears]

Horny and rich as hell, Britney falls for the K-Fed charm (excuse me, I just barfed a little in my mouth). They get together, and have wild monkey sex that they tape and then make a TV show out of (remember Chaotic? Yeah, me neither). But K-fed has an obstacle - dum-dum-dum… the prenuptial agreement. How will he ever be able to get his grubby hands on her money now!?

[cue kids]

So their wild monkey taped sex results in a couple children. K-Fed then convinces Brit-brit to let loose and enjoy life. After all she can’t uphold the innocent virgin persona now with a couple kids right? She then has some drinks, party it up with the likes of Hollywood’s trashiest - Paris and Lindsay.

[cue Crazy Britney]

The woman falls off her rocker and goes completely nuts. After all those years of her goodie goodie image, she’s damn near lost her mind!

[cue Divorce and Custody Battle]

K-Fed then tells Crazy Britney that she needs to clean up her act or he’s taking the kids away from her. BUT he will settle for a small (read: ridiculously HUGE) payout and she can keep the brats. Throw in a stay at Promises Rehab facility to make it look legit.

[cue The Infamous Haircut]

K-Fed walks away with millions. Britney is FUBAR (fucked up beyond all recognition - for real) with two kids and only mere shreds of a career left. K-Fed then returns to Shar, with millions in tow and they live happily ever after. Oh, and have ANOTHER kid.

See.

Shear brilliance. I couldn’t have planned it better myself.

Brit-Brit: “I was Punked!”