When you’ve met “the one” you know. You just do. There’s something about the way your heart skips a beat when you see them approach; the way you forget to breath when you hear their voice, and the way you ache to be near them when they’re gone. You wonder if you’d survive a moment without them in your life. It’s unmistakable the way they make you feel.

Though some times the light at the end of the tunnel seems bleak, that person can make you smile. You forget all your troubles with the tiniest gesture, a hug, one gentle kiss; everything that once seemed so profound is suddenly minuscule.
That person can, without even trying, brighten your day; make you feel alive, love life.

I’ve found that person. I (finally) married him two years ago today.

He’s the person that I am at my utmost comfortable self with. Not a care in the world, because no matter how loud I burp, or fart, his looks of antipathy cannot disguise the utter adoration (or jealousy cuz I’m better at expelling gas then him).

After seven years together, we still laugh and love like it was the first time. Mike is my rock. He is my love, my one and only, my life. I love him like a fat kid loves cake.

Today while washing dishes together, Mike had a rather large knife in his hand and requested the dry towel I had hanging haphazardly over my shoulder; I leaned in for him to take it, but instead he just wiped the knife blade as the towel remained on my shoulder. I moved to avoid the shiny sharp edge that we strategically aimed towards my jugular.

He says: “Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to hurt you!”
To which I reply, “I know hon; just not keen to have a knife blade aimed at my throat.”
Mike then retorts: “I’d strangle you before I’d stab you. That way I can watch your life be slowly drained away- kinda like you do to me every. damn. day.”

See how thoughtful he is? *swoon* I’m so in love.

Happy Anniversary honeybear.

No, not Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual’s husband. Me. I am kickin’ ass and taking names this evening.

I am in the most hateful, vengeful, bitchy mood tonight, I just have to get it out.

Manchild was so great today. My heart was exploding with love this morning as he called to tell me about his venture out with Carter.
Seeing as Manchild was home from work , he opted to keep Carter home from daycare. They went for a walk to a near by hill for some sledding. Even though all the snow that had arrived in a matter of minutes yesterday had melted just as fast as the rain poured down at dawn, Manchild thought they would at least get in a run or two down the hill. Once they arrived he realized that nothing but a slushy mess had accumulated at the base of the hill so they returned home, a little defeated but spirits high.
By the sounds of it, they had a great day together; went grocery shopping and all!

I had a great day at work. Nothing stressful, I was inside and had a chance to have lunch with some girlfriends. I left work feeling relaxed and content. The traffic was great, everything was just peachy.

I asked Mike to take a trip to IKEA with me so I could show him the big boy bedding that I wanted to get for Carter and buy some baskets. I really didn’t think it was such a burdensome request, but that’s where it all went downhill.

One thing you should know about my husband is, he can be the most selfish person I know. It infuriates me to no end when he won’t do something unless there’s a benefit for him. Sometimes it would be nice for him to stuck it up and do something because it makes ME happy. It can be anything little from a song on the radio to a trip to a store he hates. (That store, being IKEA.) He will be pushy, snide, inconsiderate and just plain difficult to deal with. It’s like he’s pouting because it’s not something HE wants to do.

As we’re driving there’s a song on the radio that I like, I turn it up a little and he changes the channel.
Me: “I like that song; I was listening to that.” I change it back.
Him: “I hate that song.” And he changes it to another station again.
I let it go even though I felt like smashing his head through the windshield.

He did agree to go to the store; no whining or begging on my part, even though he had NO interest in IKEA at all but he made bitchy comments the whole way through the store,
“That’s fuckin’ ugly.”
“Why the fuck would someone buy something like that?”
“I hate this fuckin’ place.”
“Are you done yet?”…

I wanted to rip his beady little eyes from his miss-shaped skull within minutes. We finally arrive at the children’s section. I show him the bedding that I was in love with and thought that it would be perfect because it was right up Manchild’s alley - dragons and knights.

What does he say?

“That’s it? It’s fucking ugly as hell Sam.”

Great. Thanks. Asshole.

I’m frustrated, he’s frustrated, Carter’s getting hot. Manchild freaks out and insists that we get the hell out of there.

On the way home we’re listening to some fucking teeny bopper horrible dance shit. I change the channel, not realizing that Manchild was actually enjoying it. He changes it back. Always whatever he wants.

I commented that he changed the station on the way to the store because there was a song that he didn’t like, and if I do the same it’s the end of the world.

He says “Are you done talking?”

Oh.

My.

God.

I can’t even stand to look at him right now.

Am I really out of line? Am I blowing this out of proportion?

One thing I do notice though. When I forget to take my medication (which I did the past two days) my ability to cope with my husband is more and more difficult. I think cruel and vengeful thoughts and can’t stand to be in the same room as him when he is like this.

I shouldn’t have to be medicated to enjoy spending time with my husband.

Wine should be enough.

It’s been one of those nights. A night where Mike and I cannot agree on anything. It’s enough to drive you to drink; but if I were to do that I would be a very bad mother according to Meridith Vieira ( Since this item has been blogged to death all I will say is she can kiss my chubby white ass. If you were a “normal” parent that cared for your own child you would completely understand the rest of society).

What was a simple trip to run some errands turned into a full fledged “Why the fuck did I marry YOU?” fight. Yup, one of those nights. All I wanted to do was go to the bank, WalMart and the drugstore (since I ran out of crack earlier in the day). Could it have been that simple to complete those minor tasks, as a family? No. Hell no. Why the fuck should anything be simple? Gawd forbid. This is why I (almost) never run errands as a family.

We fought about Carter not wanting to be in the cart, about what plastic plates to buy, the list goes on and it’s quite trivial…. I wanted to go to the bank before WalMart, no reason in particular, just did. I told him ahead of time and what does he do? Takes a completely different route. Had I reminded him I wanted to go to the bank I would have been called a nag. But he didn’t go to the fucking bank did he? Nope.
So we stopped talking to each other. One last stop, the drugstore (for my crack). Did he go there? Nope. Straight home.
I’ve had it up to my freakin’ eye balls and wanted to cause him the worst kinda pain. Pain he’s never felt before. Something like pulling each and every pubic hair from his nether regions one buy one. Severe pain. What do I do instead?

Get back in the car and go for a drive. I finish my errands at the crack drugstore and buy a new lipstick while I’m there.

Then…

I put on my new lipstick, blare my favourite album and sing belt out lyrics at the top of my lungs.

What could make you feel better then that?!

Mike and I were having an in depth conversation this morning…I don’t remember what about; my attention swayed - as it normally does first thing in the morning. There was something different about him. His face looked different; he was close enough that me not wearing my contacts didn’t blur his features.
Something. different. can’t. quite. place. it.

Ah ha!

He has, what appeared to be, a dimple in his chin. Maybe it was the lighting, not sure. But I know it wasn’t there before. Weird! Can you just acquire different features like that? Now, I know it wasn’t there before, because it’s a personal dislike of mine. Not sure why or what the reason, it’s just a deal breaker for me. I am not grossed out or disgusted by chin dimples per say… just not attracted to them.

It’s been bugging me all morning if it was just my vision or if it is in fact there!

Deal breakers for me - I am big on smiles - they have to have decent teeth, little to no body hair (not like a child, but not a sasquatch), and that chin dimple.

Is there anything that is a deal breaker for you? What features do you not like in a partner, and what do you look for?

You an either post in your blog or a comment here, but I wanna know!!

P.S. Did you see the clip I put at the end of this post? Freakin’ hilarious!!