Sorry for the sporadic posting and nothing of interest lately. I am really just not feeling it lately; in fact, I’m not feeling much.

Winter blues combined with seemingly endless illness has brought my depression on - full strength. I have no ambition to do anything, I find myself spending most of my time lazing on the couch or sleeping. I feel weighted down, like I’m just a burden on everyone.

Mike and I have been constantly bickering and arguing over the simplest things and it’s tiring - and trying. I can’t handle being called a nag and a bitch all. the. time. Even when - what I think - is a small task is requested of him, he loses his shit saying that I’m constantly nagging and never shut up. Maybe he’s right and I just don’t see it. I mean, I don’t think I’m asking too much of someone to bring the cars back in the driveway after he shovels instead of leaving them in the road. Or even a simple question like, “Did you change Carter’s bum after nap” has him exploding at me like I’m treating him like a child.

Yes, we’re both in rough places right now with him trying to quit smoking and me sick and pregnant, but it’s far more trying when we’re at each other like this all the time.

I’m seriously ready to pack my shit and leave for the next 4 months. I don’t know that I can continue to live like this. I want a marriage left once everything’s all said and done. I want a family for my children - not what we have at this moment.

So, that’s where I am. To save you the woe is me posts and, for me, the realization that everyone really has their own shit to deal with, my problems meaning very little … I’ll be here and there but for now, mostly, there.

Sick again. Still, actually. Wednesday I came down with something, unable to even keep water down, I’ve slept through 28 of the past 48 hours. Thank God for daycare and Mike otherwise I think Carter would have been been locked in a closet. I’ve been stricken with the sick bug practically this entire pregnancy. I don’t know if it’s just that my immune system is compromised or I’m just a gluten for punishment. I’m really over it though. I don’t wanna be sick anymore. *pout*

Since Tuesday evening I’ve also been in a little more of a funk after hearing of the passing of Heath Ledger. I can’t even explain why I’ve been so profoundly impacted by this loss. Sure, I was a fan of his movies, I thought he was cute, but there was nothing really beyond that. Yet, I find myself sobbing at every photo I see. Deliriously upset by the fact that Matilda has been left without a father and the entertainment world has lost a shining star.

I have no connection or affiliation, yet I seem to be overwhelmingly depressed by this loss. It’s difficult to describe without sounding like a complete psychopathic stalker, so I’ll just blame it on the hormones.

I think death in Young Hollywood affects me so greatly since I’m completely and utterly hormonal in the same age category as many of these stars. Britney and her meltdown, Lindsay Lohan and rehab, Brad Renfro’s overdose, and Heath. They have a different lifestyle, financial freedom and new found independence to accompany that wealth, unlike many of us their age, yet, for some reason it’s difficult not to find oneself comparing one to them. Once you take away the wealth and fame; they are the same. People trying to make a living and provide for themselves and loved ones.

The thought of Carter losing his father so tragically, so young, takes my breath away. I can’t even fathom the idea of him not have a memory of his father, or having to explain where daddy went and why he’s not coming back. In that sense, Heath’s passing has made it so much more emotional. There is a child involved. A child so dearly loved and cherished by a man that she, more then likely, will not remember; aside from what people tell her of him. My heart breaks for that young girl and her mother. Not to mention the rest of his family who never had the chance to say goodbye.

I just hope he went peacefully.

Ya, feed reader count is back to normal. Normal being about 20, 200 LESS readers then what I had yesterday.

Dawn recommended that I should of taken a screen shot for the memories. As I told Dawn: Day late and a dollar short my bloggy friend.

And though, I love my dear readers, it’s a little saddening to see what seems like such a minuscule number now. So do me a favour and hook me up in your reader. Make me feel famous again!

Oh, and Sara… Nice entry yesterday. You can have your knee pads back, I’m sure you need them more then I. *giggle*

I enjoyed the comments about the feeds though (here and at Sara’s) they gave me a good laugh. See, I’m a good sport, I can take a joke like that.

But when it’s your turn watch out. I WILL take full advantage. I say, if you’re gonna dish it out, I hope you can take it.

You’ve been warned. *Muwahahahahaha*

And also big squishy hugs and kisses to those who commented on my second post yesterday. Since I’m so HORMONAL! lately, they brought tears to my eyes. I appreciate them all, and it’s great to know that - even though I really told you nothing of the situation - you’re here for me. I truly am grateful.

Love you! Kisses!

I look like I’m trying to pinch a loaf.

I don’t know what’s worse, that I was giddy with excitement at the sight of this lionfish, while at the Shark Reef in Vegas, because it reminded me of Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo…

Or the fact that I even knew that this was the fish from Deuce Bigalow…

It’s been one of those days.

I was barfed on by my toddler in a packed restaurant today. I believe that needs no further explanation, though might be a funny post once I’ve had more sleep and feel less like a bag of smashed assholes.