I am cold, super tired and my brain is mush.

Yesterday we sat in our cramped boardroom for 9.5 hours working on our company’s Strategic Planning for the coming year. We do this every year over a two day period giving every employee (all 12 of us) the opportunity to share our grievances and what we’d like to see happen throughout the next calendar year. It’s truly a great session, but so painful sitting there for 2 solid days (a Friday and Saturday no less) going through this past year’s financials, goals, achievements, and THEN the changes that we’d like to see in place for the upcoming.

This year we crammed it all into one Thursday.

I think my brain oozed out of my left ear at one point.

I have no ability to put together a coherent sentence or carry on a conversation. I am just completely bushed, overwhelmed and groggy.

After our session, we had a group dinner. I made it through without barfing - since my biggest fear all day was: How the Hell am I Going to Eat Dinner with all These People I Work with and Keep it Down?!

I didn’t get home until 10:30pm and I’m back at my desk, bright and early at 7:30 (that is of course if the boss is reading this…for everyone else, I was here about a half hour later).

I am seriously contemplating dropping out of NaBloPoMo. I just don’t know if I have it in me anymore; I’ve made it half way through and feel like quitting now. I feel forced to write and panicked if I don’t have time. It’s not entirely enjoyable for me at this point.

Could be the fact that I am about ready to pass out right now at this here desk.

I feel Hormonal and CrazyBitch-like today as well, surely to be blamed on the lack of sleep.

I’ve received a couple of rewards and been tagged for some memes, which I’m going to use to my advantage this weekend.

I am soooooo stinkin’ far behind on designs I really wouldn’t be surprised if clients began asking for their money back. I’m really trying Client People. I do love you, and I haven’t forgotten about you!!

UPDATE: I’ve decided to go on hiatus from designing until the New Year. The clients that I am currently working with WILL have new designs ASAP, but as for new stuff, I just don’t have it in me at the moment and it’s not fair to expect that people are OK with these huge delays I’ve been encountering with designs over the past month three months. It brings tears to my eyes because I never wanted to do this, but I just have to let some things go at the moment.

See, HORMONAL!

If you’re looking for some help from other great designers (at risk of losing the small client base I’ve developed *wink*) drop me an email and I will do my best to hook you up with some fabulous talent!

Better late then never I guess. I’m here, yet have nothing remotely fantastic to say; though I believe it’s been that way since I started with this wee blog. So why change now.

I was on the fence for weeks about doing the integrated testing for Down Syndrome for this pregnancy. I didn’t know if I wanted to because the results really didn’t make a difference to me. I did it when I was pregnant with Carter because I didn’t know any better, I thought it was a necessity. This time around, I had planned to make a more educated decision, but in the end it just came down to getting to have an ultrasound earlier then 20 weeks, so I went with it.

Yesterday I went for the ultrasound and blood test and got to see everything. I don’t think it matters how many children you have, but when you see them for the first time on that screen, it’s like it was the first time all over again.

Though I have been complaining incessantly about the fact that I hate barf and peeing my pants and feeling sick, it’s totally worth it all to see that squirmy little being moving across the monitor. Right now, I am the most excited I’ve been for this pregnancy.

My dear best friend is almost exactly 4 weeks ahead of me in her first pregnancy and her sister is almost 3 months a head of her. The stories my BF has been telling me about her sister have had me in fits of laughter over the past week. Which is not good when any kind of laughing or coughing brings on fits of gagging.

A little background on the sister. To put it entirely blunt, she’s a selfish person who really has no time for anyone but herself. She MUST be the centre of attention in all circumstances otherwise she will create drama until she becomes that centre of attention.

That sister has now reached the point of her pregnancy where her feet are no longer visible, and she can’t see the bottom of the zipper on her coat. These milestones have rocked her to her very core. She called my BF crying inconsolably because she could no longer see her feet. Granted this can be a traumatic start to the whole holyshitI’mhavingababyandmybodywillneverbethesame phase of pregnancy, but for this one? I couldn’t help but laugh my ass off, then spew out the more fantastic details of pregnancy.

I was all:

Wait until she can’t put on her underwear without help, or can’t even put on her own shoes anymore…

Or can’t sit down without first bracing your entire body and still feeling like you’re going to fall over…

Or wait until she has the baby and can’t sit down for 6 weeks…

Or until she doesn’t get to sleep in for the next 10 years…

Or how you’re afraid to shit for 5 days after having the baby and it burns like firewater just to take a pee…

Or your boobs are so engorged they feel like they are going to burst out of your skin at any moment…

Or how about when your cooter is cut open and a stitch pops and can barely walk without pain…

Or how about the first time you have sex again.

Needless to say, I had forgotten that my friend has yet to experience these wonderful aspects of pregnancy.

Even though we were on messenger, I’m sure she fainted for a short while when she stopped typing.. and I bet she even changed a few shades of white.

Even with trying to comfort her with the fact that I’ve been there and I’m doing it again, I think I may have scarred her for life.

Yesterday the hormones raged and I played right into their weepy guilt ridden ways with my apologies for being able to conceive while just thinking about it, and the fact that I have many friends who aren’t so lucky. Moosher called me on it today wrote another post about how fabulous *cough, cough* her pregnancy was, and mentioned Megan’s fabulous post about Hierarchy of Suffering, and rather then me hacking up Megan’s excellent post, you should go read it yourself because it’s really fantastic.

And guess what, after Casey tells me how bad I shouldn’t feel and I should share my barf stories: I feel bad about apologizing for something that is out of my control. Yes, the complaining is out of my control, it’s part of my genetic make up. Blame my parents.

Blame my parents and the out of control HORMONES.

See, I loath throw up - mine or anyone else’s. As I’ve mentioned time and time again (Forgive me, I’m not linking) about how I’d rather suffer the wrath of explosive diarrhea then vomit. Well, I haven’t been so lucky. In the past two months, I think I’ve been barfing like a supermodel what feels like non-stop and it’s slowly killing me. I cry each and every time and also pee my pants. Not to mention the fact that I am forced to put on this facade of feeling fantastic while I’m at work because my pregnancy is yet to be announced to co-workers. That’s a feat in itself.

So yes, I can and probably still will write about how horrible I feel and how different this pregnancy is then it was with Carter and how much I HATE throw up.

It doesn’t change the fact that I wholeheartedly feel for those who have a more difficult time with conceiving.