The Last Date Consisted of Me Picking my Thong All Night
Need I say more?
I’ll admit it, I’m addicted to Granny Panties. Ever since I squeezd a large watermelon from my little lemon I’ve been fearful of The Thong. I think it’s something to do with the sensation of having something rubbing there, sitting there, wedging there, all day long. I am just not comfortable in them at all anymore. I much prefer the full bottom Granny Panties. The ones that cover everything and stay in place, not subjecting me to full fledged ass digging to keep it from forever creeping into my crevasse known as … my bum.
Our first (and only) date occurred about six months after Carter was born. It was a freezing cold windy-as-fuck day and we decided to go for dinner and a movie. (Can you believe that this date is almost as memorable as the day I gave birth to my son!? I remember it as though it were yesterday.) Dinner at a fancy-ish restaurant and “Walk the Line”.
I got all dressed up and even wore The Thong, I looked hot. HOT people! Got my shit together which seemed to take forever because I was debating wearing a pair of my favourite pants, since I had to wear The Thong with them.
Walking to the car I knew I made a grave mistake.
I was picking my ass after 4 steps.
Aside from fighting the urge to pick my bum all night to get the wretched fabric outta my butt. As a grown adult, I fear it’s slightly frowned upon to pick wedgies in public. As I looked around to see if anyone was staring my way, and go in for the quick dig n’ shift, then I tried to shift it out of the way by rocking back and forth, really, it was a no win situation.
Even still, the night was perfect.
Wine, adult conversation, hand holding, necking in the back of the theatrefeeling up my husband short peaks once and a while. Like old times.
Reminded me why I fell in love with him in the first place.
And how much he really loves me after me repeatedly asking him to cover me as I picked my ass.
This post is part of a Blog Blast sponsored by E-Harmony Marriage, a new online alternative to marriage counseling and Parent Bloggers Network. If you’d like a chance to win a $100 Amex Gift Card for a date out with your spouse/partner plus $100 cash for a babysitter, then write your own post “You Know You Need a Date With Your Partner When….” anytime today (Fri. June 1st), send the link to , and they’ll pick a winner at random. Click here for more info!
Mike: Wanna do it?
Me: Nope. Thanks for asking.
Mike: You never wanna do it.
Me: Nope, but your penis rules!
Mike: It does?! *eyes light up like Christmas morning*
Me: Yup, sure does.
Mike: I feel great now! That made me happy! *walks away*
Mike: I’ll go in; what do you want? Me: No, it’s alright, I’ll go. Mike: I’ve already got my seatbelt off. Tell me what you want. Me: No, I’m going in! Mike (opening the door): Tell me what you want or you get nothing. Me: Just let me go. Please. Mike: You wanna get ID’d, don’t you? Me: You always get to be ID’d when you buy cigarettes. Let me go get the beer. Mike: No! I wanna go! Me: We can go together. Mike: I bet you don’t even get ID’d. Me: Oh, like you look any younger, you old fart.
Remember as a teenager being so worried about being asked for your ID? Now I practically have to beg the people to ask for it.
Are you sure you don’t want to see my ID?
How sad is it that the highlight of my day is going into the beer store with hopes of getting ID’d by the attendant? She didn’t even give me a second glance. No ID for you!
Growing up, it was instilled in me that material objects and money do not reflect the type of person you are. No matter how rich or pretty, manners and respect will get you so much further then the what name brand you’re wearing and whether or not you make six figures.
So why is it that so many teenagers, and even young children, have no manners whatsoever? Why do they behave like uncontrollable monkeys swinging in trees, flinging shit at one another? There is practically no control over this generation of children. Have they seriously been given so much freedom (by disassociated parents) and protection (from ass whoppin’s) that they have no fear of repercussions for their actions?
I was far from a model child. I was crude and wild; I beat on my younger brother, I was kicked out at 16 (but begged to return home in less then a week), drank, smoked, etc. BUT I never ever treated those in authoritative positions with disrespect. I was taught at least that much.
So many kids now verbally, if not physically, abuse their parents and teachers. Why is this tolerated?
Where am I going with this?
Discipline.
I do agree with re-directing and none-violent approaches to disciplining a child, but in some cases a good ol’ fashion beating may be in order. Seriously.
Hold on, don’t be calling Child Services yet. Hear me out.
Have you not seen the results of re-directing and no hitting? Wild shit flinging monkeys!
One thing that Mike and I do agree on - spankings should make a comeback (sadly enough, the only thing that we agree on is the fact that we should be able to beat our child if we see fit).
I remember when I was little and did something wrong, I would sob uncontrollably even at the thought of my mom bearing my ass for a good spanking. Sometimes I even gave it some consideration prior to smashing my brother over the head with a hockey stick or pushing him down the stairs. Striking the fear of Jay-seus into a child can work just as well because it causes them to think about their actions and *gasp* re-direct! See… it works dammit! And I turned out alright!
Carter is too young for the spanking approach. He doesn’t quite understand “Kid, I’m gonna beat your ass if you hit that dog one more time!” . Know what I love though? When he does something he’s not supposed to and I re-direct him; when he does the RIGHT thing, we clap and yell “Hooooorrrayy!” as we throw our arms up in the air. He gets this HUGE sly grin on his face and is gleaming with pride because he’s completed a task as asked. Makes my heart swell with pride and love.
