Because everything in her home is waterproof, the housewife of 2000 can do her daily cleaning with a hose. - from a 1950’s issue of Popular Mechanics

For serious?! A waterproof house that can be hosed down!?

What the shit!? Why haven’t I known about this until now?

For shame.

As I sit here, I am taunted by my filthy kitchen floor, beckoning for a wash, I am contemplating the hose. Seriously. I hate washing the floor.

There’s MUCH better things I’d rather be doing on my knees.

It’s just one of those tasks I just dread; kinda like putting away laundry. I am deemed to fail every time, destitute, absolutely hopeless.

I am far from a good housekeeper; surprisingly, really, since I hate filth.

Dishes will make it to the dishwasher, the kitchen will be cleaned, laundry washed.. but I fall short.
Yes, the clothes are clean, but they are strewn about the spare room as we fumble through the piles every morning in search for an article.
The bathroom counter appears clean, but is really only wiped with a Clorox cloth.
The stove? I haven’t cleaned out that oven ONCE since we moved here. In fact, I wipe the top of the stove off into the oven! Yup, all the crumbs are burnt to the bottom of my oven. If I’m lucky, they may have been completely incinerated by now. To tell you the truth I believe there may be reminisce still there of apple pie from Christmas.

Sad state of affairs in this house people. Sad.

But seriously!? A waterproof house!? They can develop a Roomba but not a waterproof house! Oh the humanity! (I really like Roombas. I want one. Please send money! Holy shit! A floor washing Scooba?! SEND MONEY NOW! My child’s health depends on YOU!) *ahem*

BUT before you call child services. The kid is fed, dressed and happy. The mess is hidden and somewhat concealed.

You’re efforts would be wasted. I can put on a good front.

Plus my stats counter will tell me where you are… if there’s a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep… it wasn’t me.

I want to hear your cleaning secrets… spill it in the comments people! Where do you cut corners?

You been calling and calling, I have tried so hard to ignore you.

You want what I can’t give you, I’ve tried to explain, yet you still push me.

You won’t relent, you won’t accept the fact that I just don’t have time.

I’ve tired, I really have. I want nothing but the best for you, but you have to understand, I have needs to. I can’t just drop everything when you need me. I can’t just put my life on hold beacuse you beckon.

I give all of me, and now you’re asking for more. I don’t know if I can live like this. It’s just too much pressure. I need to do something.

For me to be happy, I need to see you shine. I need to see you be all that you can be.
I degress. You win.

I mopped the floor.