Well, it’s been 6 months since I returned to full time work after a years maternity leave. I am a full time working parent of a toddler. Did I ever think I would say those words? Nope. Not really.

This lifestyle is not easy. Don’t let anyone ever tell you it is. Working for 8 - 12 hours a day and then on top of that raising a well adjusted child. Not effortless at any point really; especially when you commit to daycare for a considerable part of the “raising”.
We’ve been very lucky with our daycare. I am so pleased with it. The only thing that I have a really hard time with is the pain MY CHILD inflicts on OTHER children. Carter is a biter, he bites a lot. I thought it may be to the point where he would be removed during his first months of daycare; but they assured me that it’s a phase and something he will, in time, grow out of. Fine. But when I have TWO sheets to sign because my child has bitten and broken skin in BOTH instances I feel responsible. I also feel guilty when he attaches himself to me like Velcro in the mornings because he’s not fully adjusted to his move into todder hood - meaning new room, new friends and new teachers. These are things that, as a parent, no class or advice (solicited or unsolicited) can prepare you for.

Then, on top of that, leave the daycare and sit in traffic for hours to get where I have to go, not my cup of tea really. I resign myself to the fact that this is the way it has to be, but it’s draining. So utterly exasperating, emotionally and physically. I feel like I can never catch up and I am constantly overworked, overwhelmed and sleep deprived. Is this my way of life now? Is this something that I just have to become accustomed to?
This evening, before Carter went to bed, I dozed off on the couch as he played around me. 6:30pm. Now, I am more then willing to amble off to the bedroom and submit myself to a long peaceful slumber at 7:30pm.

Unfortunately, my priorities are another matter.

Have you seen Y&R lately? Wow. I have to watch today’s episode, THEN off to bed.

Today a colleague and I went to a job fair at my alma mater to recruit some staff. I was a bit leary of returning. Not sure why. It’s been five years and a lot’s changed in my life since those days. The days I have had fond memories of, yet little recollection. Is that possible? I remember that I had a great time, but doing what, I’m not sure.

Once I stepped foot on campus it all came back. I remember chatting out in the smokin’ section with coffee in hand before class started. I remember drinks in the campus bar after a challenging test. I remember our free time spent in the upstairs pub where we played Magic Carpet Ride by Steppenwolf (which is older then me, but still a wicked song) on the jukebox continuously until we were cursed at repeatedly.
I remember where I met certain people the first time, conversations, parties, everything. It all came back. The rush of the first day walking on campus, not knowing a soul; the panic, the worry, everything.

For two short years that I was at college, the impact of that time is unbelievable. Post-secondary school is more then just an academic necessity these days; the social aspect, the experimenting, the freedom and lack of parental control all sculpts us into the adults we ultimately become. The trouble one causes, the heartbreak, the responsibility incurred… all make us or break us.

Over the past year or so I have been having reoccurring thoughts about what I would have done differently had I been able to go back. I wouldn’t goof off and ruin a great academic career; don’t get me wrong, I learned a lot; but there is more I could have learned had I been a more mature student and realized the impact these years would have. Other then that, I wouldn’t change a thing. I wouldn’t change one single thing; thanks to today.
It did, however, really make me miss the friends I had made, the freedom I had and the intensity (or lack there of) in college life. But had it not been for that place at that time, I wouldn’t have met Mike and I wouldn’t be where I am today.

I haven’t decided if that was a blessing or a hindrance.

As for the job fair itself; it was enlightening and somewhat beneficial. I hope that we have a couple prospective employees, because GAWD knows I need some relief.

Sorry I have been a bad bad girl. I haven’t been reading lately. I will admit, I was complete immersed in trying to learn Dreamweaver to make a web page, I am getting impatient though, it takes so damn long and I don’t want to read everything! I thought that I could easily just mess around with the program and get where I want fast, but that’s absolutely not the case. User-friendly my ass.
Do you think that many items say they are user-friendly to help people overcome with fear that learning is just too hard? I don’t know if it’s the fact that we (people) seem to have little free time anymore, or the lack of patience to learn something new. For myself, I am impatient; I want to see the end result fast and if I don’t I get bored easily and turned off. I do enjoy learning HTML and trying new things in design, I really want to get this website up and going, so that is my motivation, but it’s. so. damn. confusing.

I am not computer illiterate, I would consider myself “aight” when it comes to learning and understanding these computer mumbo jumbo words, but it seems this past week I can’t, for the life of me, get my head around this shit. I am overtired and overworked lately. I can’t concentrate and dammit, that’s taking the fun right out of it. I need a break, an early bed time (earlier then 9pm I think, sad eh?) and I need a mental health day.

We’re in the midst of a fairly large dumping of snow this afternoon. It’s actually so bad right now that I can’t even see across the road from my house. I am really hoping that this snow is going to get my a mental health day. I think I could handle being trapped inside tomorrow with snow to the roof tops and no way to the outside world. *sigh* I can dream right?

Oh, guess what? Funniest, weirdest thing happened yesterday. I kinda just shook my head because well, I wasn’t sure what else to do.

I was waiting on someone at work, I was on a construction site, wanted to sit down; there was a piece of steel. I sat on it. I was wearing snow pants and was bundled up - since it was about minus 100 degrees. I really didn’t care. I wanted to sit down.

Later on this man walked up to me and said; “I saw you sitting on steel earlier.”
I nodded. Good observation buddy, you want a ribbon?
He says; “That’s not good you know.”
Once again I nodded. At this point I was curious as hell where this conversation was going to go.
The man then says; “I used to do that all the time when I was young, now I’m paying for it.”
Oh shit. I know where this is going. How do I escape?! I nodded again.
“Hemorrhoids.” he says, “Hurt like hell. Don’t sit on steel or concrete.”
M’kay thanks buddy. Thanks. a. lot. *shudder* Why me?

So, there’s your PSA for the day.

Hemorrhoids hurt like hell. Don’t sit on steel or concrete. *gag*

I do enjoy my job. I enjoy the wok that I do, the people that I work with (for the most part, except for these guys) and I enjoy the summer months outside. What I don’t enjoy is the days that it’s minus a million and I have to work outside. Minus a million people; and I have to work OUTfuckin’SIDE!
Okay, so a slight exaggeration on my part. It was only -17 degrees (that’s oh, 3F for my American friends).. with the wind chill, it’s a balmy -30 degrees (-22F people!). It’s so damn cold even your snot won’t run; it can’t even stick because it won’t run!

It’s on days like this that I hate my job. I have utter contempt for my job and wonder why the hell I couldn’t have a cushy office job like the rest of the smart people (not saying that I’m smart or anything… just that smart people have office jobs). I had to opt for something different and not so monotonous. What the fuck was I thinking? Answer me that!

Today’s the day that I would trade my career for poopy diapers and no paycheque. Oh, to be a SAHM.