Thanks for the well wishes, I am feeling a lot better after a relaxing weekend in Sauble Beach. It’s been ages since I’ve been and I forgot just how much I love it there. But beach pictures to come tomorrow with more on that.
And no, I’m not pregnant, since many of you think I’ve used a faulty pregnancy test, which is very humourous by the way, but in order to get pregnant you have to have sex. And well, up until last night there hasn’t been any sex in the House of Me for quite some time. Okay, well maybe there was some sex about a month ago. But, I can assure you, there are no babies.
[I just admitted to the Internets that I had sex last night. Gah! It was good, if you're wondering. Too much? well, don't insist that I'm pregnant without all the facts. That'll teach you!]
*If* we were trying to get pregnant you’d be the last to know. Frankly, I don’t want to share everything on this blog as I don’t know that my boss wouldn’t see that I’ve said we’re trying for another baby (me and Mike not me and my boss) and freak out. Then find some reason to get rid of me before I admitted to him that I was expecting so that he didn’t have to keep my position open for the year that I’d be on maternity leave.
Did that even make sense? ‘cuz I know what I’m trying to say, and it’s your responsibility to read between the lines; if you didn’t get it, well, tough luck. Guess you’re out of the loop.
Understand? Good. Glad we’re on the same page.
To be completely honest, I was actually quite disappointed in the lack of contributions for the free design giveaway I was holding. I *thought* it would be a good idea and that people would really love it, but nope. You all just validated what I’ve thought all along.
I suck.
One whole entrant. Such a disappointment you people are; you should all be spanked; but I’m not putting out that much effort. Instead I’ll continue to cry into my pillow. Or maybe! You all just LOVe the designs you have and didn’t feel the need to upgrade! (let’s go with that, makes me feel better.)
That’s fine, you’re loss - but not Tastes Like Crazy’s loss, cuz, well… she’s the lone entrant that wins the design!
Now that my feelings are crushed. *ahem* I will attempt to type through my tears and share the search terms that bring people to my site.
“SELF HUMILIATION” - oh! I know! Hold a contest for a free design where all but one think you’re a moron and don’t play along (Really. I’m not bitter people.)
“is it normal to think about killing your husband” - Normal? I don’t know about that, but it does happen. I vaguely remember confessing that I wanted to slaughter my husband in his sleep with a spoon.
“farting in front of your spouse”, “when to fart in front of husband”, “farting aruond your spouse”- is something that you should be comfortable doing. Holding it in is only painful and uncomfortable for you. We primp, shave, clean and dress up for our men, wear uncomfortable high heels and tight clothes for them, and hold in our farts until we are uncomfortably bloated and shifting wildly in our seats praying for it to be silent when it squeaks out. It’s about time for US to be comfortable and let it out! I say FART!! With all the searching, it’s apparent you’re thinking the same thing and just looking or some validation.
“babies peeing during a fuckin diaper change” - it’s a conspiracy. Just to get us mad. Best time? In the middle of the night when you’re deliriously tired and not paying full attention. They pee knowing that your reaction timed is slowed and that you’re not going to be able to get that diaper out as a shield in time. Smart little buggers I tell you.
“underage strippers”, “go with wife to see male strippers”, “husband cheats with stripper”, “strippers cheating”- Take her for lunch at the club. To the buffet. Sit in perverts row and introduce her to your underage stripper girlfriend. Good Times. Trust me on this one.
“overalls and a bikini” - DON’T DO IT!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T DO IT!!
sex fuck “smell my armpits” - Wha? some new maneuver? Not very charming.
“spy on mom in the bathtub”- I have no idea how this got you here. I say DON’T if it’s YOUR mom. Not cool dude. If it’s someone else’s hot mom? Have at ‘er. I recommend climbing the tree in the front yard and perching yourself outside the bathroom window. That always wins the ladies over.
“thong wedgies” - I don’t know how you don’t have a wedgie in a thong. Is a thong not just a permanent wedgie? I mean, unless you somehow manage to keep it over one butt cheek, it’s always wedged up there. Isn’t it?
There you go. Latest search terms.
Off to wallow in self pity now.
*breaking in to song*
No body loves me. Everybody hates me. Going to the garden to eat worms….
