After last night’s fiasco there are no longer rules of engagement in the House of Me.

I slept in the spare room last night. Took me forever to fall asleep as I plotted his slow and painful demise. This morning, he came in before leaving for work to give me a kiss and say goodbye; I pretended to be sleeping still since I didn’t want to get in a fight just yet. Plus, I hadn’t full developed my plan off attack.

Asshat is going down.

Thirteen Ways I Could Bring Down Manchild.

1. Hot Sauce - even the sight of it can send him running to the washroom, causing stomach cramping and hours on the toilet.

2.  Ball Gag and Butt Plug - of course, after I hog tie him like the animal he is.

3.  Britney Spears - lock him in a room with her when she’s horny and at her most bat-shit crazy moment.

4.  Viper - rent a Viper (the car) for the weekend and not let him near it. This is his dream car people. He’d DIE for a chance to even touch one.

5. XBox 360 - while I have him hog tied and gagged. Smash his XBox in front of him and break each disc in half.

6. Abstain - from sex, with him. Forever.

7. Cats - rescue 9 more cats.  Become the crazy cat lady and let them pee on his pillow.

8. Television - sell it. Make sure he’s home when the people come to pick it up.

9. Laundry - turn all his whites pink. Throw away all his clothes and replace with new ones in various shades of pink.

10. Names - ensure that Carter calls him Mommy. All. the. time.

11. Mommy  - Start calling him Mommy all the time. Even in public. (Could be a little strange for me though.)

12. Movies - ruin them all. Everything that we watch, ask question incessantly throughout.

13. Boobies - get bigger boobies and NEVER let him near them.

 I hope you’re still voting for me! I want to be Hot Stuff,  people. I want it all (because I am a trashy button whore).

:::

After the wretched post of smelly men yesterday (p.s. Heeee’s back this morning. *gag*) I thought it was only fitting to share, with you, my favourite smells. The smells I think about when I am choking back male body odour. It’s worse then onions I tell you. I am on the verge of tearing up.

So, without further ado…

My 13 favourite smells

1 & 2 & 3. The Spirit of Moonflower, Satuma and Mango from the Body Shop

4. Gas - I know, so bad. But I love the smell of gas fumes.

5. Freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. YUM!

6. Fresh mountain air. There really is something about it. LOVE!

7. Pepperoni Pizza, my absolute fave!

8. Summer rain. I love the smell outside just after the rain has fallen - and before it starts.

9. Freshly cut wood. With a chainsaw. Um.

10. Banana Boat tanning lotion. I’d eat the stuff if I could.

11. Pomegranate scent. Candles, sprays, everything!

12. Peanut Butter. I used to eat this stuff with a spoon. Sitting on the couch, just packin’ it away. When I was pregnant I got the WORST heartburn from it, and we haven’t been the same since.

13. My ultimate favourite. Tommy cologne. This stuff is panty remover. I can’t get enough of it. An ex-boyfriend used to wear it all the time. And well… we had lots of sex.

Mike’s always threatened that once he goes completely grey (since it’s already started) or if his hair starts falling out he’s going to shave his head completely bald. I cringe every time we have the conversation and change the subject instantly. I am not a big fan of the bald look.

Seriously, there’s only a handful of people in this world that can work the baldness and I don’t think he’s one of them.

BUT! Fear not!

There are some rockin’ hot bald heads out there and these are my top 13.

(Click the pic for larger ones with names and more hotness. YUM!)

Thirteen Hot Bald Heads

On my way home last night I stopped at Staples to deliver some documents I need to have bound. After dropping the items off and completing the forms, I headed to the exit. Something caught my eye. A beautiful new computer monitor. On Sale.

My gaze traveled beyond the new monitor to the computer section. Beautiful spankin’ new laptops, programs, keyboards. *sigh* Oh how I would love to have these new gadgets. How these gadgets would help me keep on top of this, yet still spend more time with Carter without my back turned to him, throwing crackers over my shoulder.
While relishing the thought of scooping up everything insight, I had a revelation. I am officially a full on, no holds barred, geek.

I. am. a. GEEK. (yet oh! so! glamorous!)

(I can’t believe it. I said it. I professed my geekdom to The Internets.)

I no longer yearn for those coveted high heels, instead? A wireless keyboard and mouse. Nor do I crave the latest vanilla berry lip gloss, but a new wireless router.

I. am. there! I am a full fledged geek. (For the third time! This is almost therapeutic.)

I just hope in Carter’s eyes, I will be the lovable geeky, yet oh-so-cool mom! *shrug* A girl can dream right?

Thirteen Things on now my Wish List

1. Wireless router
2. Wireless keyboard and mouse for my desktop
3. External hard-drive for all this stuff
4. A new lap top computer with all the bells and whistles (Don’t think I could convert to a MacBook yet though. I have sentimental attachment to PCs) - pink would be an extra bonus!
5. This cute little mouse pad.
6. Photoshop CS2

And so you don’t think I’ve totally gone off the edge!

7. Lululemon Hula Crops
8. Rimmel Vinyl Lip Gloss in any light brown coffee colour
9. Coke Zero. I am craving so bad right now!!
10. I wanna try Guitar Hero (since everyone talks about it - You got it? Invite me over M’Kay?)
11. I wanna play with a Wii (Oh, you have that too? Can I invite myself over? I’ll bring coffee!)
12. One night with this guy:
Well, at least one night. With handcuffs, whips, Cool Whip and chocolate.

13. Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough to hog to myself after I’m finished with No. 12