You never really know what you had until it’s gone. It’s so unbelievably true; when relationships die it’s extremely painful. My two best friends and I were inseparable during high school I even lived with both of them for a short time when things were rough at home. We experienced many of our firsts together, but when we separated at the time of going off to college things changed. Our lives headed in different directions and as much as we tried to stay together, it just wasn’t happening. The two of them remained inseparable while I was left entirely pushed aside. Though our relationship had gone through some serious bumps, one of them was still my Maid of Honour when Mike and I wed. Though, when she married a couple months later and I was expecting Carter, things changed.

That phone call and the one that followed, I’ll never forget. My heart was broken and I knew then I had lost the friend I considered a sister. When she announced that she was getting married, I too shared with her that I was expecting. We were happy for each other and giddy with anticipation as we discussed our futures, her wedding plans and our anticipated baby names. Just a few days later, she called me to discuss wedding stuff where she mentioned to me that she now didn’t want me to stand up as her Bridesmaid because I was going to be seven months pregnant at the time of the wedding. Being that it was in July she assumed that I would not be able to tolerate the amount of standing and walking that would take place.

As she tried to convince me that this was the best thing for me, I was weeping. I was so disappointed and heart broken as I knew that this was where our relationship was ending and there was nothing I could do about it.

A few months later, after her wedding, when I was in the hospital after giving birth, she called to wish us best, which I was grateful for. But after that I rarely heard from her; she’s never met Carter. Our relationship is very much a thing of the past and I am pretty certain that it’s not ever going to be the same.

It’s so painful. Heart wrenchingly painful.

I never thought that I would really have friends like that again. You know the ones? Where you can share absolutely everything and not even think twice about what comes out of your mouth? The ones that don’t judge you if you’re unshowered, teeth aren’t brushed and can laugh with until you cry?

That was until the weekend. When I finally met them while we traveled to BlogHer Reach Out in Boston.

This weekend I laughed until I cried so much it still hurts. My heart aches now that we’ve gone back to our regular routine, and I feel as though a part of me has left with them and I’m dying to see them again.