Weepy and tired, I can’t seem to get a decent sleep these days. Hudson is doing something, I don’t whether it’s teething or what but the kid is up about four times a night. I’ve been nursing laying down hoping to catch a few more Zzz’s while he eats, but my efforts are futile since he falls asleep as well, then falls off the boob and we’re right back to square one. I’ve tried to sit on the couch and watch a show while feeding him, attempting to keep my eyes open long enough but wake up minutes or hours later in the same situation.

Okay, so I’m getting sleep, just shitty sleep and it’s leaving me more and more weepy.

So weepy things like this leaving me in a ball of mush with Carter asking Mommy, wha happen? as I wipe away tears. Srsly. It gets me every time!

But! What do I do while the children are sleeping? Sit here, on the computer - but it’s important! Really. It is.

Remember a while back when I told you that we were starting a budget?

FAIL.

We made it about 2 months before the receipts stopped coming in and it was virtually impossible to track cash purchases (which Mike makes a lot of) so I quit. I was spending so much time trying to track things I couldn’t and it felt pointless.

But the budget is making a comeback!

I know, I know. I can sense your elation!

Snooping through Simple Mom’s archives (okay so the beginning of September) brought me to PearBudget and I fell in love with its simplicity and ease. I love the layout, font and graphics. So essentially, I am that vain and materialistic that I think the program will help me because it’s pretty. Because let’s face it: if we’re attracted to it, we’re likely to gravitate towards it - that’s my philosophy when it comes to budgeting because there ain’t nothing else that’s attracting me to crunching those numbers.

My tactic with Mike was that we can’t buy that new car he would like if we can’t manage our money and get ahead. So now he has a goal and I have mine what I need to get him us there.

I’ll be sure to update you in a month or so to let you know if we’ve succeeded or not.

[I'm banking on not. Bad. Sam]

Oh calm down.I never said this would be fun! and interesting!

But seriously, Maternity Leave has been kicking our asses financially. Since my income has been severely decreased (to about 50%) it’s difficult to stay on track and not get into debt.

I’ve been off work for just about 4 months.

I have another eight before I return, therefore budgeting is required, otherwise I will be blogging from the inside of a hopefully, very sturdy and wide fridge box. If you have one, let me know; or two - so I can have a double wide: homeless in style, yo.

But while I still have cable… tell me… why have I only found out about this Paris Hilton train wreck now? I just happened upon the cast/show/sneak peek while I was blogging in front of the television and got totally sucked in. It’s like ANTM meets Survior and The Simple Life. I can’t wait!

I’m giddy with anticipation!

Almost as much as starting my new budget!

Was my sarcasm dripping through your screen? So sorry.

I haven’t been watching much these days (except Weeds and Young and the Restless of course) but this season of new shows seems to be a little more trashy, a little more homewrecker-ish and a lot more TMZ style.

I think I’ve just about died and gone to heaven.

Do you think I can bring my television to my new double-wide cardboard box? Will you let me put it in your yard where I can scoop your cable and wifi?

Puh-leeease?

:::

P.S. Hey Wordpress. I hate your image thingy. It always screws up my pictures and makes my OCD flare up.

Now I need a drink.

“Sold!” I said and immediately I felt sweaty. My heart began to race and I instantly wondered if I could take it back.

I will be able to pay for this.

I will not be in trouble from Mike; he didn’t put up a fight when we talked about it before.

I’ve wanted to do this for ages. I just have to bite the bullet and actually do it.

Where the hell is Heather when I need her? I wanna enjoy this. I should enjoy this.

I deserve it.

I deserve it.

I deserve it, don’t I?

All thoughts running through my head at the time, yet still didn’t make me feel any better.

Sweaty. Oh. So Sweaty.

I hate making big purchases. I clam up, get sweaty (did I mention sweaty?) and all flustered. I second, triple and fourth (?) guess the purchase over and over while trying to justify it repeatedly. I think of all the things that this money could have bought. What this money should have bought. Eventually I just have to stop listening to myself and pay more attention to my credit card that is begging to be removed from my wallet and have its stripe gently rubbed against the long slot of a card reader.

Saturday, I bite the bullet and just dove in and did it.

I splurged and bought myself a new laptop. (added: It’s an HP, guess I should have mentioned that.)

A bright new shiny laptop. I have yet to have a moment to show it some love, but I intend to. Boy, do I ever intend to.

I wanna rub up against it, whisper sweet nothings into its speakers, gaze into its webcam and profess my love to its processor. I wanna fondle the keys and stroke the touch pad while I dream of the eternal love we will show each other.

Dear brand new laptop; you complete me.

Whilst shopping for my newly beloved, I also bought an external hard drive. After my dear Karly recently lost her pictures of the past four years of her children’s lives I began to panic about all the images I had saved on my desktop that was 3 years old and could fail me at any time. Not to mention all the designs and programs I have on there: I’d be royally fucked (and not in a good way) if I lost all that.

So. Here I sit with my beloved, IN MY LIVING ROOM with my children.

I feel like a better parent now that I don’t have my back to them anymore!

Hallelujah for new laptops and better parenting!

:::

Please keep any comments pretaining to my parenting to yourself I am totally joking. Hudson doesn’t even watch television and Carter is playing outside alone - so he can’t even see the back of my head anyway.

And make sure you visit my post about changing the name of this site. Have your chance to weigh in - should the name change?

I don’t know that I could ever survive BlogHer. I mean, we had a SMALL gathering and I’m still recuperating from that. We talked about blogging off and on for a day and a bit and I’m finding myself completely zapped of all creativity and any energy to type.

I’ve even been lacking in the gossip department. That has to say something since I’m a HUGE gossip WHORE.

Though I haven’t been here, I have been here. I’ve revamped the site for a re-launch August 1st. I’ve been working on a design for one truly understanding client that let me work right up to Hudson’s due date then take some time off. She’s been DYING to have her design and I want to get it to her just as badly! I’m excited to start up again!

Maybe I’ll even work for a couple weeks before taking another hiatus.

Everything’s a little hectic around The House of Me since Mike began his new job. He recently had an offer for another company with more money and a machine to operate right away. Pretty much the Best. Thing. Ever. but we weighed the pros and cons of the two jobs and came out with the one that pays less but is closer to home. Far less traffic equals less commute time! Horray!

As soon as he hung up the phone after declining the new offer, he’s been kicking himself thinking he should have went with the money.

I’ve been feeling guilty because he asked my opinion and I gave it to him.

A part of me wishes I kept my mouth shut.

Whatever. Live and Learn I suppose.

Now? He’s on nightshift for the next three weeks.

My job just got a little trickier. Keeping a VERY ACTIVE toddler and an infant quiet all day while Mike sleeps? Should make for good times.

Especially when Carter’s screaming with pride when he goes to the toilet ALONE!

“I PEEEEEEDDD MMOOOOOOOMMMMYYYYY! I PPEEEEED!!”

Yeah, there’s gonna be one pissy man (Ha! Get it? I talked about pee, then said pissy) around this joint over the next couple weeks.

Anyone up for a playdate?

Or you could just take my children.

A Meme in Pictures

**(stolen without prejudice from Hilly who shamelessly stole it from Adena)

[I stole this AGES ago and stuck it in my drafts for a time that I would need it, cuz I'm awesome like that.]

Here’s how it works:
1. Go to www.flickr.com
2. Type in your answer to the question in the “search” box
3. Use only the first page
4. Insert the picture into your Blog

1.) What is your relationship status?

married
2.)  What is your current mood?

stressed

3.)  Who is your favorite band/artist?

Pearl Jam

4.)  What is your favorite movie?

Dazed and Confused

5.)  What kind of pet do you have?

pit bull

&

grey tabby

6.)  Where do you live?

Toronto

7.)  Where do you work?

construction industry

8.)  What do you look like?

messy

9.)  What do you drive?

Malibu Maxx (but black) I heart it so bad!

10.)  What did you do last night?

nurse mah bebe (for what seemed like HOURS)

11.)  What is your favorite TV show?

Hell’s Kitchen

12.)  Describe yourself.

complacent

13.)  What are you doing today?

parenting (HA!)

14.)  What is your name?

Samantha - a bald eagle at the DC Zoo - it was this or a bunch of neked boobies… I don’t get it.

15.)  What is your favorite candy?

Reese’s pieces

:::

Thanks for all the support regarding yesterday’s post. Mike found a job this morning - which is fabulous - same pay rate as the last place as well and will probably have more hours. BUT! This job requires A LOT more out-of-town work so God only knows how long he’s going to be gone at times which is totally not cool with me.

But he has work, so I can relax.

A little.

Until the first trip that takes him away from home for 6 months.

:::

Carter calls a rake a “dick” and when he pretends to rake something he says: “dick, dick, dick, dick…”

Is it wrong that I laugh every single time?

Ah, kids.